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Don’t tell him where you’d like to go—
tell him
the kind of food and atmosphere you enjoy, and
then let him figure out a place that he thinks will
suit your taste.
Don’t tell him you’ll drive—
let him get you to
where you all need to go.
Don’t tell him you want to go dutch—
let him pay.
Don’t invite him up for a nightcap—
kiss him
good night and let him figure out what he needs
to do to
earn
the cookie (but not before the
ninety-day probation ends).
Don’t try to fix the sink, the car, the toilet, or
anything else—
let him do it.
Don’t take out the garbage, paint, or mow the
lawn—
that’s his job.
Don’t do any of the heavy lifting—
he was born
with the muscle it takes to move sofas/television
sets/bookshelves and the like.
Don’t be afraid to make a meal or two—
the
kitchen is both your and his friend.
Don’t wear a T-shirt to bed every night—
a little
lingerie never hurt anybody.
14
H o w t o G e t t h e R i n g
Y
our man knows what you want: the ultimate commit-
ment—The Ring.
He knows, too, what he needs: you.
It seems obvious, then, that he would get himself to the
jeweler, pick out a nice, hefty diamond, and then plot out an
on-bended-knee proposal that would make the “will you marry
me?” pitch that Grammy award–winning singer Seal made to
supermodel Heidi Klum—he proposed in an igloo he had built
on top of a glacier fourteen thousand feet above sea level—look
like an invitation to the prom.
But your proposal never comes.
And the way your man is acting, it’s not coming anytime
soon.
And so, you wait. And wait. And wait some more.
This is the story of all-too-many women—girlfriends who
are putting in some serious work not only because they love
their men, but because they want to prove they’re The One.
Everybody is clear about how you prove to him you’re The
One: Do all the things for him a wife would do—support him
emotionally, be loyal, work it out in the bedroom, tell him you
love him often and show it, too. Maybe live with him. Have his
babies. Get close—really close—to his mom and sisters and
friends. Basically, you give him everything he needs and all of
what he wants.
Check out this “Strawberry Letter” from a listener who
called herself “Biological Clock Ticker,” a thirty-one-year-old
single, childless woman in a relationship she said feels like a
“three-year-long booty call”:
He tells me he loves me and wants me to have his chil-
dren. My biological clock is ticking like crazy, and we
have been trying for the past year to get pregnant, to
no avail (I believe that this is a sign). The problem is
that he says he does not want to be in a committed re-
lationship or marriage because he doesn’t want to
answer to anyone. As long as I have known him, I have
shown him that I am not at all like the other women
that he has dated. I was there for him when he injured
himself, quit his job, when his father died, and when
he was unemployed for months. I have been encourag-
ing him, and am there for him financially and physi-
cally. I’ve been waiting and hanging in there, hoping
he’ll marry me because I don’t think that I will get
anyone else that would want to have a child with me.
Am I being a fool for waiting for him? Should I just let
it go?
She and all too many women in similar predicaments can’t
understand why, after all of this hard work, he won’t give her
the one thing she needs and wants. Well, let me break it down
for her and you. Your man hasn’t asked you to marry him be-
cause of one or more of the following reasons: (1) he is still
married to someone else; (2) you’re really not the one he wants;
or, the real answer you don’t want to hear, (3) you haven’t re-
quired him to marry you or set a date.
In fact, I know of a few guys whose ladies are smack-dab in
the middle of this predicament right now. One that stands out
is a couple that dated for a year before she ended up pregnant.
To her credit, the single mom (she has a son from an earlier
failed relationship) knew she didn’t want to have a second child
with a man who wasn’t there to help raise her kids, so she made
it simple for him: “I’m only going to have this child if you’re
willing to be a father for real—not this part-time/every-once-
in-a-while/when-I-feel-like-it kind of dad.” And, faced with
the prospect of losing her and his baby, he stepped up to the
plate: He agreed to be there for their child, and gave up his
apartment, and moved in with his girlfriend while they pre-
pared for the birth of their son.
Oh, she thought the proposal, the ring, and the wedding would
follow shortly after the baby was born. To his credit, her boy-
friend did come through with a ring. But she’s been wearing it
for
seven
years now, and though she’s been hoping, waiting, and
praying for a wedding date, they’re no closer to walking down
the aisle today than they were the day their child was born.
They share a home. They share parenting responsibilities. They
share bills, schedules, car notes, church pews, and most cer-
tainly a bed. But they don’t share the last name or a marriage
certificate.
She can’t understand why they’re
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