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part of me stepping in to protect me from ending my life before my
time.
I think about my death on a daily basis – sometimes hourly. Not in
a morbid way, but with great fascination of what is to come. I also
often take myself to the point of my death in meditation, hoping
(in vain) to feel that extraordinary love. I would like to think my later
years will be spent closer to the mystical in time of reflection and
spiritual retreat, so I can completely surrender into my dying process
when my time comes.
I think the most important thing for me is that I KNOW it happened.
And it happened TO me. It was not imagined, nor was it some kind of
inner creative visualization. It was as real as I am sitting here writing
about it. So, it gives me a feeling of warmth and comfort knowing that
I encountered – and more importantly capable of experiencing – such a
profoundly personal event. It also gives me comfort, knowing there is
something ‘tangible’ awaiting me when I die.
At the time of the mystical experience, I had been going through a
particularly hard time emotionally, and in retrospect it felt as if I ‘was
given’ this experience to help me along my way.
Regarding the sceptics. I always wish a mystical experience upon
them – and then we’ll talk! [100052]
End of Life Experiences
Great comfort is often brought about by experiences around the dying.
Nurses have often reported such events and an End of Life Experience
(ELE) study is being undertaken under the direction of Dr Peter Fenwick.
Hospice workers and home carers report that ELEs appear to be part of
the dying process, which has profound spiritual and existential implica-
tions for those who have them, or witness them.
The study suggests that ELEs fall into two main categories:
1. ‘Transpersonal ELEs’ which possess otherworldly qualities helping
the dying person to let go, such as deathbed visions of predeceased
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loved ones, the ability to transit to and from other realities, change in
room-temperatures around the time of death, the appearance of light
and love around the body or in the room at the moment of death,
and co-incidences which occur around the time of death. These co-
incidences include reports of the dying person ‘appearing’ to a relative
or close friend at the time of death, clocks stopping synchronistically
or the appearance of significant birds, butterflies and/or animals at the
time or death. However, because of their ethereal qualities, these ELEs
cannot be easily tied into the pathological process of dying.
2. ‘Final Meaning ELEs’ which appear to have substantive qualities,
firmly based in the near and now, which prompt the person to process
unresolved business so they can die peacefully. For example, the desire
to reconcile with estranged family members, or to put their affairs in
order, previously confused or semi-unconscious people experiencing
unexpected lucid moments that enable them to say farewell to loved
ones, and the dying person, against all medical odds, hanging on to life
until a special relative arrives.
123
Sue Brayne, one of the researchers cited the following examples:
The manager of a counselling centre with which I am associated
recounted a couple of days before her mother died that her mother
repeatedly called out, ‘I’m coming! I’m coming!’ to a blank wall. At the
time, the manager put it down to a lack of oxygen, but now thinks
there may be more to it.
A more disturbing story I heard was about a young woman who was
to be admitted to hospital for a routine operation. A couple of weeks
before she went into hospital, she told her mother she had seen the
‘Angel of Death’. Her mother thought she was making it up, so ignored
it. The girl died on the operating table.
On the other hand, I was told this story by a friend. Her friend had
a three-year-old daughter who was critically ill. The night before her
daughter died, the mother saw an angel standing at the end of the
child’s bed. This soothed and reassured the mother, because she believed
her daughter had been collected by the angel and was being cared for
in death.
124
Her colleague Hilary Lovelace quoted these:
A 38-year-old man was dying. Too young to die he thought, and
he was resisting; he was denying. Then his mother and his own eight
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153
year-old son, both of whom were dead, appeared to him in a vision
and after that he said to the nurses, ‘Now I feel I can die with peace,
because I know I’m going to join my loved ones.’
. . . a lady said to the chaplain of the hospice, and to her husband,
‘I’m so scared that I’m going to go alone.’ The husband said to her,
‘Look, don’t worry, ducky, I’ll be with you; I’ll hold your hand’. She
said, ‘Oh, no, I don’t want
you
; I want someone to collect me from the
other side!’ When her husband and the chaplain were sitting with her
at the moment of her death, in the middle of the night, the door of the
room swung open, and nobody came in. They took notice of this and
at that moment the lady’s hand went into the air, as if grasping another
offered hand, and then fell down as she died peacefully. The husband
said, ‘Gosh – it looks like she got what she wanted; it looks like some-
one came to meet her’. And he felt hugely comforted by this – though
we shall never know whether
she
was comforted!
125
This moving account is of an experience which gave a strong indica-
tion of the survival of a small child and brought great comfort to his
mother.
The second of my three much-loved children was a little boy called
Mark who died when he was 15 months old. Over the years I longed
to know exactly where he was.
Then I heard that my father was dying. He had suffered for
many years. By the time I reached the moorland farmhouse where
he lived it was late. He was being nursed by my mother and brother
in the familiar room with its homely wood fire and raftered ceiling.
When I stooped to kiss the beloved face so deeply etched by suffering,
his eyes were closed and sealed and he was too far gone to know I had
come.
Suddenly his face was transformed by an expression of tender
joy and delight as he struggled to sit up. He held out his arms for
something, then cradled them as if holding a baby and rocked
gently.
‘Oh,’ he said, ‘oh, tell Rosemary, little Mark is here. He’s here!’ Then
he fell back.
When Father died my brother stood up and with tears said, ‘Thanks
be to God.’ Then the room filled with a warm, translucent light and we
rested in its peace.
Next morning our neighbour called and said she had woken twice
during the night and looked out. It was dark except for a beautiful
light shining above our roof.
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