The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

selfishness
, which violates the values of most people.
But if we look closely at many of the popular approaches to growth and
self-fulfillment, we often find self-centering at their core.
There is little security, guidance, wisdom, or power in the limited center
of self. Like the Dead Sea in Israel, it accepts but never gives. It becomes
stagnant.
On the other hand, paying attention to the development of self in the
greater perspective of improving one’s ability to serve, to produce, to
contribute in meaningful ways, gives context for dramatic increase in the
four life-support factors.
These are some of the more common centers from which people approach
life. It is often much easier to recognize the center in someone else’s life
than to see it in your own. You probably know someone who puts making
money ahead of everything else. You probably know someone whose
energy is devoted to justifying his or her position in an ongoing negative
relationship. If you look, you can sometimes see beyond behavior into the
center that creates it.
IDENTIFYING YOUR CENTER
But where do you stand? What is at the center of your own life? Sometimes
that isn’t easy to see.
Perhaps the best way to identify your own center is to look closely at your
life-support factors. If you can identify with one or more of the descriptions
below, you can trace it back to the center from which it flows, a center
which may be limiting your personal effectiveness.
If you are... 
Spouse Centered
Security
Your feelings of security are based on the way your spouse treats you.
You are highly vulnerable to the moods and feelings of your spouse.
There is deep disappointment resulting in withdrawal or conflict when
your spouse disagrees with you or does not meet your expectations.
Anything that may impinge on the relationship is perceived as a threat.
Guidance

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Your direction comes from your own needs and wants and from those
of your spouse.
Your decision-making criterion is limited to what you think is best for
your marriage or your mate, or to the preferences and opinions of your
spouse.