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PART FOUR
Accepting Yourself
Introduction
You won’t be important to other people
all the time, and that’s why you have to be
important to yourself. Learn to enjoy your own
company. Take care of yourself. Encourage
positive self-talk – and become your own
support system. Your needs matter, so start
meeting them yourself. Don’t rely on others.
Someone once posed the question: ‘If I asked you to name all the things you
love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?’
This question serves as a reminder that many of us neglect self-love. It’s the
result of a common problem within our society: we’re conditioned to care more
about what others think of us than what we think of ourselves.
Learning to interact effectively with other people and get them to like you will
help you to achieve your goals. But there’s a deeper issue that must be addressed
first:
Do you like yourself?
We learn to care about how others feel about us but avoid focusing on how we
feel about ourselves. This creates a society in which people try to impress others
in order to be liked, but deep down they remain unsatisfied because they don’t
like themselves.
Admittedly, it’s nice when your talents are recognized, when your work is
rewarded, your achievements applauded or your looks appreciated. In these
moments we justify our existence. We’re flattered. We feel loved. We feel
important. Life feels good.
But we continue on a perpetual mission to please others, to prove our worth. We
create our own financial pressures by buying things we don’t need, just so we
can impress people who care little for our wellbeing. We change ourselves to fit
in, rather than changing the world by being ourselves. We alter our natural
beauty to adapt to societal expectations. We strive for endless external goals
while neglecting our own spiritual growth.
The power of love and kindness is enormous, and sharing it with others can
transform the world. But we must also be kind and loving towards ourselves.
Instead of trying to change who you are, start giving yourself permission to feel
good. Transform your own world and you’ll hone the skills needed to change the
world around you.
If, as happens very often, we don’t treat ourselves with the kindness and respect
we deserve, we become insecure, and this affects our confidence, attitude and
health. This results in a struggle to show love towards others in the way we want
to, which, in turn, affects the expressions of love we
receive
. People tend to
enjoy being around, and fall in love with, those who gracefully accept
themselves. For this reason, self-love is a vital element in building strong
relationships.
Let’s say a young woman called Kierah lacks self-love and show signs of
insecurity in her relationship with her partner, Troy, because she doesn’t feel
she’s as pretty as the other girls Troy knows. This makes her behave in ways
that, from Troy’s perspective, display a lack of respect and trust, such as going
through his phone and reading his private messages. Regardless of whether they
genuinely love each other, their relationship suffers because Kierah lacks self-
love. Kierah’s behaviour begins to affect Troy’s wellbeing. He then starts to
believe that her actions indicate that she doesn’t truly love him, and as a result
his own self-esteem is damaged. Their relationship enters a downward spiral and
eventually comes to an end.
When you accept yourself as you are, you put emphasis on your own wellbeing
and joy – and you’ll be content with the idea that not everyone will accept you as
you are. You’ll know your worth, so you won’t care if others don’t recognize it.
In fact, you’ll come to understand
why
they don’t recognize it: unfortunately,
because most people don’t accept themselves, they search for flaws in others.
We’re back where we started: the importance of loving yourself unconditionally.
The ideas that follow in Chapter 1 will enhance your awareness and
understanding of exactly why you hold your current beliefs, so you can make
meaningful changes to your life. This journey of personal growth will guide you
towards self-acceptance and bring joyful experiences into your world.
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