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Not again. No…Please, no…
My stepbrother’s hand covered my mouth and
he yanked my legs apart. I felt the hard thing
between his legs poking blindly, trying to push into
my body. My scream was muffled by his palm
smashed over my lips and I cringed away, my
heart pounding so hard I thought it would burst.
Nathan was so heavy. So heavy and strong. I
couldn’t buck him off. I couldn’t shove him away.
Stop it! Get off me. Don’t touch me. Oh, God…
please don’t do
that
to me…not again…
Where was Mama?
Ma-ma!
I screamed, but Nathan’s hand covered my
mouth. It pressed down on me, squashing my
head into the pillow. The more I fought, the more
excited he became. Panting like a dog, he
rammed against me over and over…trying to
shove himself inside me…
“You’re going to know what it feels like.”
I froze. I knew that voice. I knew it wasn’t
Nathan’s.
Not a dream. Still a nightmare.
God, no.
Blinking madly in the darkness, I
struggled to see. The blood was roaring through
my ears. I couldn’t hear.
But I knew the smell of his skin. Knew his touch,
even when it was cruel. Knew the feel of his body
on mine, even as it tried to invade me.
Gideon’s erection battered into the crease of
my thigh. Panicked, I heaved upward with all my
strength. His hand on my face dislodged.
Sucking air into my lungs, I screamed.
His chest heaved as he growled, “Not so neat
and tidy when you’re the one getting fucked.”
“Crossfire,” I gasped.
A flash of light from the hallway blinded me,
followed by the blessed removal of Gideon’s
smothering weight. Rolling to my side, I sobbed,
my eyes streaming tears that blurred my view of
Cary shoving Gideon across the room and into
the wall, denting the drywall.
“Eva! Are you okay?” Cary turned on the
bedside light, cursing when he saw me curled in a
fetal position, rocking violently.
When Gideon straightened, Cary rounded on
him. “Move one fucking muscle before the cops
get here and I’ll beat you to a bloody pulp!”
Swallowing past my burning throat, I pushed up
to a seated position. My gaze locked with
Gideon’s and I watched the haze of sleep leave
his eyes, replaced by a dawning horror.
“Dream,” I choked out, catching Cary’s arm as
he reached for the phone. “He’s d-dreaming.”
Cary glanced at where Gideon crouched naked
on the floor like a wild animal. Cary’s arm
dropped back to his side. “Jesus Christ,” he
breathed. “And I thought I was fucked up.”
Sliding off the bed, I stood on shaky legs, sick
with lingering fear. My knees gave out and Cary
caught me, lowering to the floor with me and
holding me as I cried.
“I’m gonna crash on the couch.” Cary ran a hand
through his sleep-mussed hair and leaned into the
hallway wall. The door to my bedroom was open
behind me and Gideon was inside, looking pale
and haunted. “I’ll set out some blankets and
pillows for him, too. I don’t think he should go
home alone. He’s shredded.”
“Thanks, Cary.” The arms I had wrapped around
my middle tightened. “Is Tatiana still here?”
“Hell, no. It’s not like that. We just fuck.”
“What about Trey?” I asked quietly, my mind
already drifting back to Gideon.
“I love Trey. I think he’s the best person I’ve ever
met aside from you.” He bent forward and kissed
my forehead. “And what he doesn’t know won’t
hurt him. Stop worrying about me and take care of
you.”
I looked up at him, my eyes swimming in tears.
“I don’t know what to do.”
Cary sighed, his green eyes dark and serious.
“I think you need to decide if you’re in over your
head, baby girl. Some people can’t be fixed. Look
at me. I’ve got a great guy and I’m giving it to a girl
I can’t stand.”
“Cary…” Reaching out, I touched his shoulder.
He caught my hand and squeezed it. “I’m here if
you need me.”
Gideon was zipping up his duffel bag when I
returned to my room. He looked at me and fear
slithered in my gut. Not for me, but for him. I’d
never seen anyone look so desolate, so utterly
broken. The bleakness in his beautiful eyes
frightened me. There was no life in him. He was
gray as death with deep shadows in all the angles
and planes of his breathtaking face.
“What are you doing?” I whispered.
He backed up, as if he wanted to be as far
away from me as he could get. “I can’t stay.”
It worried me that I felt a surge of relief at the
thought of being alone. “We agreed—no running.”
“That was before I attacked you!” he snapped,
showing the first sign of spirit in over an hour.
“You were unconscious.”
“You’re not going to be a victim ever again,
Eva. My God…what I almost did to you…” He
turned his back to me, his shoulders hunched in a
way that scared me as much as the attack had.
“If you leave, we lose and our pasts win.” I saw
my words hit him like a blow. Every light in my
room was on, as if electricity alone could banish
all the shadows on our souls. “If you give up now,
I’m afraid it’ll be easier for you to stay away and
for me to let you. We’ll be over, Gideon.”
“How can I stay? Why would you want me to?”
Turning around, he looked at me with such longing
it brought fresh tears to my eyes. “I’d kill myself
before I hurt you.”
Which was one of my fears. I had a difficult time
picturing the Gideon I knew—the dominant, willful
force of nature—taking his own life, but the
Gideon standing before me was an entirely
different person. And he was the child of a
suicidal parent.
My fingers plucked at the hem of my T-shirt.
“You’d never hurt me.”
“You’re afraid of me,” he said hoarsely. “I can
see it on your face.
I’m
afraid of me. Afraid of
sleeping with you and doing something that will
destroy us both.”
He was right. I was afraid. Dread chilled my
stomach.
Now I knew the explosive violence in him. The
festering fury. And we were so impassioned with
each other. I’d slapped his face at the garden
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