How to Have a Good Day: Harness the Power of Behavioral Science to Transform Your Working Life pdfdrive com

Step 2: Acknowledge.
Once they’ve shared their feelings, show that you’ve
understood 
by 
saying, 
“I’m 
sorry, 
that 
must 
be
frustrating/concerning/annoying” (select an appropriate sympathetic word).
This step signals that you’re not dismissing whatever is bothering them. It
doesn’t matter if 
you
think they shouldn’t feel frustrated, concerned, or
annoyed. If 
they
think they have cause, their brain will be on the defensive.
Making them feel heard helps to reduce the state of alert in their brain. And

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the word “sorry” is helpful even if you’ve done nothing wrong—it conveys
that you care (just as it does when you say “sorry for your loss” to someone
who’s been bereaved).
Step 3: Offer.
Ask, “Is there anything I can do to improve the situation?”
Often the answer is no, but if the answer is yes, it’s good to know. It’s
important to ask even if you didn’t cause the problem; you may see a way to
help, and if you want the person’s dysfunctional behavior to stop, it’s worth
the effort.
Lucy is the chief operating officer of a payroll and pension services company,
and over the years she’s seen the value of being able to have honest, supportive
discussions about workplace irritations. “I’ve been in three jobs where I had to
sort out a major relationship issue that was having real business impact.
Tensions build up, and it’s amazing to me that very few people really do
anything to resolve things by having a real conversation about the issue.” To
have those conversations, Lucy is a big fan of the notice-acknowledge-offer
technique.
“Once, I was responsible for managing a global alliance we’d formed with
another company. There were four different regions, and one was headed by
someone who was notoriously unsupportive of the alliance. It wasn’t clear why.
He was very effective, always hit his numbers, but had a reputation for being
obstructive.” So Lucy went to see him. “I said: ‘This is what we’re trying to
achieve.’ Then I opened up a bit and said, ‘I’ve noticed you’re not on board,
which obviously worries me. Tell me—what’s working, and what’s not
working?’
“His immediate response,” says Lucy, “was, ‘You’re already halfway there,
because you’ve bothered to come to see me and ask what I think!’ It turned out
that he wasn’t against the alliance. But he’d been feeling that he was being
ordered to attend meetings, which he often couldn’t make because nobody had
checked his availability before scheduling them.” And Lucy saw that this was an
example of something broader—that he felt he’d been 
told
what to do
throughout, rather than being engaged in a discussion of what should happen.
“By contrast, I was now asking for his views, including and involving him, and
showing that he was respected. After that, we met once a month, and I made sure
that he was included in all operational discussions.” And, says Lucy, there was
no more “obstructive” behavior.

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