How to Have a Good Day: Harness the Power of Behavioral Science to Transform Your Working Life pdfdrive com

GET SOME DISTANCE
Have you ever noticed how giving advice to other people can feel easier than
solving your own problems? I see this time and again when I coach clients in
groups rather than one-to-one. They’ll often give their colleagues great insights
on a topic that they themselves are wrestling with, prefaced by a sheepish “I
know this is ironic, but it’s obvious to me that you should do X. I guess I should
take my own advice, too.” It’s an example of what behavioral scientists call
distancing
, where we adopt a perspective that’s different from our own; research
confirms that it’s another highly effective technique to deploy when you’re
under pressure.
Ethan Kross is director of the University of Michigan’s Emotion and Self-
Control Lab. In one experiment,
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he and his colleagues gave a group of
volunteers the Trier Social Stress Test we encountered in 
Chapter 16
—the one
where people have to prepare and deliver a speech on why they’re an ideal fit for
their ideal job. In this version of the Trier test, after they’d prepared the speech
but before they’d given it, the volunteers were given three additional minutes to
reflect on their anxiety. One group was asked to consider the question “Why am
I feeling this way?” A second group was instructed to distance themselves by
commenting on themselves in the third person: “Why is [their first name, e.g.,
Caroline] feeling this way?” When they finally spoke in front of a panel of
impartial judges, the second “distanced” group received higher ratings on their
performance. And they felt better, too. Researchers found they expressed less

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“this is horrible/that was terrible” negativity both before and after their speech.
Distancing has been found to help when the immediate threat has passed, too.
Research finds that people feel calmer when looking back at a recent unpleasant
event if they describe it as an observer would have seen it. And learning how to
use distancing seems to have a lasting beneficial effect, making it easier for
people to stay calm the next time something stressful happens.
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Here are some ways to adopt a distanced perspective when you’re worried
about something: