Jutta
J
utta Wette teaches sixth-form algebra in Essen: integers,
probability, parabolas. Every day she
wears the same outfit: black slacks with a nylon blouse—alternately beige, charcoal, or pale blue.
Occasionally the canary-yellow one, if she’s feeling unrestrained. Her skin is milky and her hair
remains white as paper.
Jutta’s husband, Albert, is a kind, slow-moving, and balding accountant whose great passion is
running model trains in the basement. For a long time Jutta believed she could not get pregnant, and
then, one day, when she was thirty-seven years old, she did. Their son, Max, is six, fond of mud,
dogs, and questions no one can answer. More than anything lately, Max likes to fold complicated
designs of paper airplanes. He comes home from school,
kneels on the kitchen floor, and forms
airplane after airplane with unswerving, almost frightening devotion, evaluating different wingtips,
tails, noses, mostly seeming to love the praxis of it, the transformation
of something flat into
something that can fly.
It’s a Thursday afternoon in early June, the school year nearly over, and they are at the public
swimming pool. Slate-colored clouds veil the sky, and children shout in the shallow end, and
parents talk or read magazines or doze in their chairs, and everything is normal. Albert stands at
the snack
counter in his swim trunks, with his little towel draped over his wide back, and
contemplates his selection of ice cream.
Max swims awkwardly, windmilling one arm forward and then the other, periodically looking
up to make sure his mother is watching. When he’s done, he wraps himself in a towel and climbs
into the chair beside her. Max is compact and small and his ears stick out. Water droplets shine in
his eyelashes. Dusk seeps down through the overcast and a slight chill drops into the air and one
by one families leave to walk or bike or ride the bus home. Max plucks crackers out of a
cardboard box and crunches them loudly. “I love Leibniz Zoo crackers, Mutti,” he says.
“I know, Max.”
Albert drives them home in their little NSU Prinz 4, the clutch rattling, and Jutta takes a stack of
end-of-term exams from her school bag and grades them at the kitchen table. Albert puts on water
for noodles and fries onions. Max takes a clean sheet of paper from the drawing table and starts to
fold.
On the front door come knocks, three.
For reasons Jutta does not fully understand, her heartbeat begins to thud in her ears. The point of
her pencil hovers over the page. It’s only someone at the door—a neighbor or a friend or the little
girl, Anna, from down the street, who sits upstairs with Max sometimes and gives him directions
for how to best construct elaborate towns out of plastic blocks.
But the knock does not sound
anything like Anna’s.
Max bounds to the door, airplane in hand.
“Who is it, dear?”
Max does not reply, which means it is someone he does not know. She crosses into the hall, and
there in her door frame stands a giant.
Max crosses his arms, intrigued and impressed. His airplane on the ground at his feet. The giant
takes off his cap. His massive head shines. “Frau Wette?” He wears a tent-sized silver sweatsuit
with maroon splashes along the sides, zipper pulled to the base of his throat. Gingerly, he presents
a faded canvas duffel bag.
The bullies in the square. Hans and Herribert. His very size invokes them all. This man has
come, she thinks, to other doors and not bothered to knock.
“Yes?”
“Your maiden name was Pfennig?”
Even before she nods, before he says, “I have something for you,” before she invites him through
the screen door, she knows this will be about Werner.
The giant’s nylon pants swish as he follows her down the hall. When Albert looks up from the
stove, he startles but only says, “Hello,” and “Watch your head,” and waves his cooking spoon as
the giant dodges the light fixture.
When he offers dinner, the giant says yes. Albert pulls the table away from the wall and sets a
fourth place. In his wooden chair, Volkheimer reminds Jutta of an image from one of Max’s picture
books: an elephant squeezed into an airplane seat. The duffel bag he has brought waits on the hall
table.
The conversation begins slowly.
He has come several hours on the train.
He walked here from the station.
He does not need sherry, thank you.
Max eats fast, Albert slowly. Jutta tucks her hands beneath her thighs to hide their shaking.
“Once they had the address,” Volkheimer says, “I asked if I might deliver it myself. They
included a letter, see?” He takes a folded sheet of paper from his pocket.
Outside, cars pass, wrens trill.
A part of Jutta does not want to take the letter. Does not want to
hear what this huge man has
traveled a long way to say. Weeks go by when Jutta does not allow herself to think of the war, of
Frau Elena, of the awful last months in Berlin. Now she can buy pork seven days a week. Now, if
the house feels cold she twists a dial in the kitchen, and
voilà
. She does not want to be one of those
middle-aged women who thinks of nothing but her own painful history. Sometimes she looks at the
eyes of her older colleagues and wonders what they did when the electricity was out, when there
were no candles, when the rain came through the ceiling. What they saw. Only rarely does she
loosen the seals enough to allow herself to think of Werner.
In many ways, her memories of her
brother have become things to lock away. A math teacher at Helmoltz-Gymnasium in 1974 does not
bring up a brother who attended the National Political Institute of Education at Schulpforta.
Albert says, “In the east, then?”
Volkheimer says, “I was with him at school, then out in the field. We were in Russia. Also
Poland, Ukraine, Austria. Then France.”
Max crunches a sliced apple. He says, “How tall are you?”
“Max,” says Jutta.
Volkheimer smiles.
Albert says, “He was very bright, wasn’t he? Jutta’s brother?”
Volkheimer says, “Very.”
Albert offers a second helping, offers salt, offers sherry again. Albert is younger than Jutta, and
during the war, he ran as a courier in Hamburg between bomb shelters. Nine years old in 1945,
still a child.
“The
last place I saw him,” says Volkheimer, “was in a town on the northern coast of France
called Saint-Malo.”
From the loam of Jutta’s memory rises a sentence:
Do'stlaringiz bilan baham: