“Oh, no no, he is of the Van Houtens,” she said. “In the seventeenth century, his ancestor
discovered how to mix cocoa into water. Some Van Houtens moved to the United States long
ago, and
Peter is of those, but he moved to Holland after his novel. He is an embarrassment to
a great family.”
The engine screamed. Lidewij shifted and we shot up a canal bridge. “It is circumstance,”
she said. “Circumstance has made him so cruel. He is not an evil man. But this day, I did not
think
—
when he said these terrible things, I could not believe it. I am very sorry. Very very
sorry.”
We had to park a block away from the Anne Frank House, and then while Lidewij stood in line
to
get tickets for us, I sat with my back against a little tree, looking at all the moored
houseboats in the Prinsengracht canal. Augustus was standing above me, rolling my oxygen
cart in lazy circles, just watching the wheels spin. I wanted him to sit next to me, but I knew it
was hard for him to sit, and harder still to stand back up. “Okay?”
he asked, looking down at
me. I shrugged and reached a hand for his calf. It was
his fake calf, but I held on to it. He
looked down at me.
“I wanted
. .
.” I said.
“I know,” he said. “I know. Apparently the world is not a wish
-
granting factory.” That
made me smile a little.
Lidewij returned with tickets, but her thin lips were pursed with worry. “There is no
elevator,” she said. “I am very very sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I said.
“No, there are many stairs,” she said. “Steep stairs.”
“It’s okay,” I said again. Augustus started to say something, but I interrupted. “It’s okay. I
can do it.”
We began in a room with a video about Jews in Holland and the Nazi invasion and the
Frank family. Then we walked upstairs into the canal house where Otto Frank’s business had
been.
The stairs were slow, for me and Augustus both, but I felt strong. Soon I was staring at
the famous bookcase that had hid Anne Frank, her family, and four others. The bookcase was
half open, and behind it was an even steeper set of stairs, only wide enough for one person.
There were fellow visitors all around us, and I didn’t wan
t to hold up the procession, but
Lidewij said, “If
everyone could be patient, please,” and I began the walk up, Lidewij carrying
the cart behind me, Gus behind her.
It was fourteen steps. I kept thinking about the people behind me
—
they were mostly
adults speaking a variety of languages
—
and feeling embarrassed or whatever, feeling like a
ghost that both comforts and haunts, but finally I made it up, and then I was
in an eerily empty
room, leaning against the wall, my brain telling my lungs
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