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I was up early and didn’t want to wake you. I’ve gone to swap over the car. Be
back soon.
I sank back into bed, the note clutched in my hand. A smile spread across my
face as I thought of Rad and the things he said, the things we did. Then suddenly
I remembered that I had forgotten to text Duck last night.
“Shit,” I said, getting up and throwing off the sheets. I padded across the rustic
wood floors in search of my satchel. I found it on the couch and ruffled through
it, looking for my phone. I fished it out and looked at it with a sinking feeling.
The battery was dead.
I heard a key in the door, and Rad appeared with a paper bag in his hand.
“Good morning,” he smiled, then frowned when he caught my expression.
“Everything okay?”
“I forgot to text Duck last night to cancel our dinner plans. Now my phone is
dead.”
“Oh—want to use mine?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
All of a sudden, I was overcome with guilt. I put the phone back in my satchel
and sat down on the couch.
“God, my head’s killing me,” I said, wincing.
Rad put the paper bag on the kitchen counter and ruffled through the drawers.
“There are some aspirins here; want one?”
I nodded as he went to fill up a glass of water.
“I got some bagels while I was out. Are you hungry?”
“I’m sorry, Rad,” I said, looking up at him. “I think I should get back home.”
“Okay, we can leave right now.”
T
HERE
WAS
A
gray rental car in the driveway where the pink Cadillac was parked
the previous day. This stark change brought me firmly back down to reality.
Rad and I barely said a word to each other until we got to the main freeway.
“Look, Audrey, about last night—”
“It’s fine,” I said, my hand nervously tracing my rubber band.
“We had too much to drink, and we got carried away. I shouldn’t have let it
happen. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault; I was part of it too. The truth is I don’t regret what
happened between us. I wanted it to happen, but at the same time, I just feel like
an asshole about it.”
“You’re not an asshole,” Rad said. “And besides,” he looked at me, “we didn’t
. . . you know.”
I smirked. “You turned down my Lexy Robbins offer.”
“I’ll take a rain check on that.”
We were quiet as “Karma Police” played on the radio.
“I’m not going to pressure you, Audrey. This is something you have to figure
out in your own time. But I don’t think we should see each other anymore until
you do.”
“I know. It’s getting too complicated.”
He nodded. “I don’t want to be the guy who is messing around with someone
else’s girlfriend. And, to be honest, I don’t think I can keep holding back when
I’m around you—not anymore.”
“Me too.” The thought of not seeing him made my stomach drop. Yet I knew
it was the right thing to do. I had to end things with Duck before I could even
consider a future with Rad.
R
AD
DROPPED
ME
off at a cul-de-sac just minutes away from my house.
“So I guess this is goodbye, then.”
“For now.”
He looked over at me. “God, I really want to kiss you.”
“Me too.”
“Will you call me when you’re a free agent?”
I nodded. “Yeah, it might be a while, though.”
“Take as much time as you need, Audrey. I’m not going anywhere.”
A
S
I
TURNED
the corner onto my street, my heart began pounding wildly. I
wondered why I was so anxious as I made my way, key in hand, toward the
house. When I got to the gate, I saw Duck, sitting on the steps leading up to the
door. He looked up at me, eyes red and bloodshot, his hair disheveled. “Where
the fuck have you been?” he said, standing up. I could feel the blood pounding in
my ears. My mouth went dry.
“I was with a friend.”
“A friend?” He looked incredulous. “And you didn’t call me? For the whole
night? Do you have any idea how worried I was? Even Lucy didn’t know where
the hell you were.”
“I’m sorry; it was a spur-of-the-moment thing, and my phone died,” I said in a
rush.
“Who is this friend you were with?”
I looked down.
“Audrey? What is going on?”
“We should talk inside, Duck,” I said quietly, pushing past him and sticking
my key into the door. He followed me into the house.
“Okay, we’re inside now,” he said impatiently. “Can you tell me what the hell
is going on? You’re acting weird, and it’s freaking me out.”
I turned to face him.
“God, Audrey,” he said, as if seeing me for the first time. “You look awful.”
“I’m just hungover,” I said truthfully.
“Do you want a glass of water?”
“No, I’m okay.” I felt like the worst person in the world.
“I’ll get you one.” He grabbed a glass from the kitchen cabinet and filled it at
the tap. “Audrey, why aren’t you telling me what happened? Where were you?”
I took a deep breath. I had to tell him the truth. I owed him that, especially
after what happened last night.
“I was with Rad.”
The color seemed to drain from his face.
“Rad? You were with
Rad
? But I thought you’d stopped speaking to him,”
Duck said slowly.
“I did, but about a month ago, I had to interview him for a book he wrote—”
“He wrote a book?”
“Yeah, he was my first feature.”
“And you never bothered to tell me this?”
I remained quiet.
“So you’ve been seeing him since then? Behind my back?”
I nodded again.
“Where did you see him? How many times did this happen?” He was getting
angry now.
I bit my lip and turned away.
“You’re fucking him, aren’t you?” he spat.
“No!” I said, my head snapping back to face him.
“So nothing has happened between you? Nothing at all?”
I looked down at my feet, then shook my head slowly. “No.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“It doesn’t matter, anyway.”
His mouth opened in astonishment. “What do you mean it doesn’t matter?
What the hell is wrong with you? Audrey, look at me!” He was still holding the
glass, and it shook in his hand, the water spilling over the rim onto the
cherrywood floorboards below. I concentrated on that sad pool of water. I
couldn’t bring myself to look at him. Tears welled up in my eyes.
“How far did it go? Did you kiss him? Did he touch you?”
I began sobbing quietly, holding my face in my hands. I didn’t answer him, but
we both knew my silence was an admission of guilt.
“Fuck!” He ran his hand through his hair. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m going to kill
him.”
“It’s not his fault.”
He looked at me, livid. “So he didn’t know we were still together?”
“Well, yeah, he did—”
“Audrey!” Duck yelled. “How the fuck can you stand there and defend him?”
“I’m not defending him!”
“
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