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When a man is very consumed with
not being taken advantage of,
this is a sign that he’s “on the take.”
Whereas George earned half a million a year, almost all of
Susie’s disposable income went toward her student loans. Compare
the household expenses as they relate to the income of both people:
His income is $500,000.
Her income is $25,000.
They each pay $25,000.
The cat lives rent-free.
In this example, George earns twenty times Susie’s income, but
she’s paying half the bills. Not only this, the rent deposits
transferred from “Bank of Susie” were paying into the equity of
his
home. What does this prove? That even an educated, brilliant
woman like Susie can be
too nice.
The financial part of any relationship has to be give and take. No
one person should be doing all of the giving. If he’s taking you to an
expensive play or ballet and you don’t have time for dinner because
he ran late at the office, order some Chinese food and have it ready
when he arrives at your front door. If he takes you out to dinner,
pick up some movie tickets on your way home from the gym and
surprise him.
When he offers to take you out and wants you to plan the
evening, take into account
his
preferences as well as your own. For
example, Linda insisted that her boyfriend, Benny, take her to a
play. Benny is a “man’s man” and hates the ballet or seeing live
plays. Still, she insisted that she wanted to go. He described the
evening: “I gave her my credit card and she got the tickets and
rented me a tux. There I am, holding ‘wussy’ little binoculars with
the long stick on one side. It was an affront to my manhood. I could
not believe I had spent a fortune and then counted the minutes
hoping it would end. That was the last time I let her plan anything
with my credit card.”
When a man asks you to go on a trip with him, be considerate. If
he offers to pay and asks you to make the reservations, consult with
him about the price of various hotels and let him decide. Men love
to feel that they are “in charge” and that their opinion really counts.
(At the very least, pretend.) If he pays for the trip, surprise him and
pay to have breakfast delivered to the room. Or take him out to
dinner to thank him. Buy him a bright colored shirt if you go
somewhere tropical or a warm sweater if you’re hitting the slopes.
Again, it’s all in showing that you respect what he gives. Men, like
women, don’t want to feel taken for granted.
The same goes for a gift that he gives you. If he gives you
something, act excited—even if it’s ugly. “I love it!” One girl-friend
of mine got a T-shirt from her husband. It looked like a cross
between a tie-dye and a paisley print and was so hideous it could
scare small children. Even though she hated the shirt, she wore it for
him when they were at home, just to make him feel good.
More often than not, women who are too nice err on the side of
giving too much. They give to a fault. The woman who is too nice
senses that he “needs her” and she runs to his aid like a Red Cross
rescue missionary. And she gives—
blindly.
For example, Abby married an Italian man named Franco to help
him get his green card. Somewhere along the line during the staged
marriage, he convinced her that he was madly in love with her. He
found out she was a vegetarian, so he gave up pasta and ate
vegetables. She loved hiking, so he took up hiking. She was
“spiritual” and he decided he was “spiritual” too. The couple’s
interview with the INS was successful and Franco was approved to
get his green card. A day later he packed his bags and said,
“Ciao,
bella!”
Then he rode off into the sunset. She didn’t have an
engagement ring, but she did end up with a huge legal bill for their
divorce.
I’ve also seen women who are too nice loan money to men.
Usually it’s the women who are struggling who don’t think twice
about handing out their hard-earned money. She’ll loan him money
to buy a stereo for his car when she needs regular maintenance
done on her own. The rule on loaning money?
Don’t.
For example, Cheryl, who fits the profile of a bitch, told me the
following story. She had dated Rick a couple of times, but she
didn’t see him consistently because he traveled a lot. After their
third date, he hit her up for a loan. As she describes, “Rick called
me from Tahoe and said he had ‘an emergency’. He asked me to
wire him a thousand dollars to a Western Union office that was on
the other side of the river. But then he kept changing his story about
what the money was for. One story was it was a child-support
payment to some woman named Babs, for a kid he never even told
me he had. He said that he would need to board a river-boat to get
to the Western Union station across the river. The fee was thirty-
five dollars each way. So I said, ‘Absolutely! I will wire the money.
Hurry up and catch that boat.’”
Rick didn’t quite catch on. He called later that evening after his
roundtrip boat ride and told her that the money hadn’t arrived.
Cheryl acted stunned and then insisted profusely that she had, in
fact, wired the money. “You really have to watch those money
wires. I am going to go right down to that office and see what went
wrong tomorrow morning!”
The following day Rick went on a second boat ride to get his
“loot” from Western Union. To his complete and utter surprise, no
funds were forthcoming.
Obviously, Cheryl had no desire to see him again because it was
in bad taste for him to call someone he barely knew and make this
request. But she remembers the incident with a certain fondness.
“Hey, I figured the fresh air might do Rick some good. And, if all
else fails, he can get a job on the ferryboat.”
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #85
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