Scatter Brained

C H A P T E R   9

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236
S C A T T E R B R A I N E D
10
Second-to-Lasts
Although it’s hard to imagine these days, there was a time in 
which one could simultaneously embrace Judaism and Islam—
Islam saw itself, as Christianity did, as an extension of Abra-
ham’s religion, not a replacement for it. One such example 
from the early days of Islam was Safi yya bint Huyayy, who may 
hold a world record for num-
ber of 
y
’s in a single name and 
who was Muhammad’s sec-
ond-to-last wife. Bint Huyayy 
was from a Jewish tribe and 
Muhammad likely married 
her to prevent her from being 
sold into slavery.
✖  ✖  ✖
Ulysses
 was James Joyce’s sec-
ond-to-last book; the second-
to-last sentence of its second- 
to-last chapter gives a nice 
sense of the challenge in-
volved in reading it: “Going to 
dark bed there was a square 
round Sinbad the Sailor roc’s 
auk’s egg in the night of the 
bed of all the auks of the rocs 
of Darkinbad the Brightday-
ler.” (Having looked pretty 
closely at the annotations, we 
believe we can roughly trans-
late that sentence: “Bloom 
went to bed.”)
Spoiler Alert!
If somehow you’ve managed to 
escape reading 
The Tempest
 all 
these years and don’t want to 
know how it ends, skip to the 
next page! Okay. Everyone’s 
still here, we’re guessing. So, at 
the end of 
The Tempest,
 the ma-
gician Prospero breaks his staff 
in two and throws his magic 
books into the sea. Some critics 
have seen Prospero’s magic as 
a metaphor for the theater and 
his fi nal abandonment of it as a 
kind of subtle retirement an-
nouncement from Shakespeare 
himself. But according to many 
scholars’ chronologies, Shake-
speare pulled his spells out of 
the sea and dried them off for 
one least hurrah: 
The Tempest
 
proved to be his second-to-last 
play; 
Henry VIII,
 a lesser 
achievement to be sure, was the 
last he wrote alone.

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237
Second-to-Lasts, Briefl y
Full Metal Jacket
 was Stanley Kubrick’s second-to-last movie.
Joe DiMaggio was Marilyn Monroe’s second-to-last hus-
band.
“Llewelyn the Last,” who ruled Wales from 1258 to 1282 CE, 
was actually the second-to-last King of Wales.
Pope Benedict XVI is the second-to-last pope before the 
Second Coming, according to the 12th century prophe-
cies of Saint Malachi.
Back  when  he  was  known  as  Eric  Blair,  George  Orwell 
graduated second-to-last in his class at Britain’s presti-
gious Eton public school. (When the Brits say “public 
school,” they mean “private school.”)
Despite rumors to the contrary, Ulysses S. Grant did 
not
 fi nish 
either second-to-last or last in his class at West Point. He 
fi nished 21st in his class of 39.
The Pot o’ Gold was the second-to-last Lucky Charms marsh-
mallow to be introduced (it showed up in 1994).
The second-to-last book of the Christian Bible is The Letter of 
Jude.
Frank Lloyd Wright’s second-to-last building was a house built 
for physician Don Stromquist in Bountiful, Utah.
The second-to-last prime number to have been discovered 
was 2 to the 24036583 power—1. Containing 7,235,733 
digits, it was discovered in 2004 by John Findlay (or, 
more properly, by his computer).
The second-to-last Spinal Tap drummer was Peter “James” 
Bond, who blew up in a (presumably hairspray-fueled) 
fi re. Speaking of 
Spinal Tap
 drummers . . .