50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays

particularly the Houston and galveston areas. Much of my extended 
family lives in galveston, and so was forced to evacuate. Without hesi-
tation, my parents opened up our home to aunts, uncles, grandpar-
ents, cousins, and pets. This is the environment in which I have always 
lived; our home is anyone’s shelter, our food is anyone’s nourishment. 
Together, our entire family weathered the storm, and comforted one 
another. My aunt’s home received electrical power prior to my home, 
and so she eagerly welcomed us to stay with her. Large scale displays 
of altruism could be seen in the hundreds of University of Houston 
students handing out food and water to those affected by the hurri-
cane. During times of need, people band together for safety and solace. 
Community is instinctual; dismiss the notions of survival of the fittest. 
People truly desire closeness with one another.
In the future, I hope to pursue a career in public health. I love 
studying science and math, and I would like to use this passion to 
benefit large numbers of people. Many go without basic medical treat-
ment, and this causes a huge discrepancy in quality of life and health in 
the population. Even if this problem can never completely be solved, 
I want to help remedy this as much as possible. With small deeds and 
cooperative effort, humans can accomplish immense good. I know this 
because I believe in people, and I have seen them at their finest.
AnAlysis
Suzanne begins her essay with a four-word sentence that is pow-
erful for its simplicity and frankness: “I believe in people.” She goes on 
to explain why this assertion of her beliefs distinguishes herself from 
the people around her. Several of the statements Suzanne makes are 

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Chapter 7: Challenges
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quite grand; for example, she states that “humans strive for belong-
ing and community; thus, while loneliness and anger may always be 
in existence, so will be togetherness and bliss.” Still, she avoids the 
pitfalls of generalization by honing in on two specific examples: the 
MS150 and Hurricane Ike. One minor point to comment on here is that 
it is best to spell out all acronyms when first using them in an essay. 
Most people probably do not know what the MS150/BPMS150 is, so 
Suzanne could have made this clear by referencing a 150-mile benefit 
bike tour.
The second paragraph does an excellent job of demonstrating what 
Suzanne does for the MS150, her feelings toward the event, and her 
personal motivation for participating in this “grueling” bike tour’s “two 
days of torture” for four years. This description is particularly strong 
because Suzanne not only relates her own experience, but also shows 
that there are 13,000 other people dedicated to the same cause. This 
adds evidence to the faith in humanity that she describes in the first 
paragraph. When making broad claims, it is necessary to provide a 
broad base of evidence and support. Suzanne certainly accomplishes 
this in describing her fundraising achievements for the MS Society. Her 
essay is made more compelling by sharing the story of her “constant 
motivator,” her father.
The transition between the second and third paragraph is some-
what jarring. After the sentence, “The power of people will ultimately 
help my father to receive better medical treatment, and maybe even 
one day, be cured,” Suzanne could have chosen to write about her 
future career goals in public health. This link makes more sense logi-
cally than the current sentence preceding her career plans, “People 
truly desire closeness with one another.” Luckily, because Suzanne 
referenced both the bike tour and Hurricane Ike in her introduction, the 
paragraph about the Hurricane is not entirely incongruous. It would 
simply have fit the flow of the essay better, had she chosen a more 
specific and compelling transition sentence rather than “While writing 
this essay, I was also able to observe and be a part of amazing human 
efforts.”
The power of the Hurricane Ike story is similar to the strength of 
the MS150 description in that Suzanne presents her individual per-
spective along with a sense of collective effort. Overall, Suzanne does 
an excellent job of conveying two profound experiences to illustrate 
her conviction that “With small deeds and cooperative effort, humans 
can accomplish immense good.”

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50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays