Mindset : The New Psychology of Success pdfdrive com

Part of the low-effort belief is the idea that couples should be able to read each
other’s minds: We are like one. My partner should know what I think, feel, and
need  and  I  should  know  what  my  partner  thinks,  feels,  and  needs.  But  this  is
impossible. Mind reading instead of communicating inevitably backfires.
Elayne  Savage,  noted  family  psychologist,  describes  Tom  and  Lucy.  After
three months together, Tom informed Lucy that there was an imbalance in their
relationship.  Lucy,  reading  his  mind,  decided  Tom  meant  that  he  was  less  into
the  relationship  than  she  was.  She  felt  discouraged.  Should  she  break  off  the
relationship  before  he  did?  However,  after  a  therapy  session,  Lucy  got  up  the
courage to find out what he meant. Tom, it turned out, had been using a musical
term  to  convey  his  wish  to  fine-tune  the  relationship  and  move  it  to  the  next
level.
I  almost  fell  into  the  same  trap.  My  husband  and  I  had  met  a  few  months
before, and everything seemed to be going great. Then one evening, as we were

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sitting  together,  he  said  to  me,  “I  need  more  space.”  Everything  went  blank.  I
couldn’t  believe  what  I  was  hearing.  Was  I  completely  mistaken  about  the
relationship?  Finally,  I  summoned  my  courage.  “What  do  you  mean?”  I  asked.
He said, “I need you to move over so I can have more room.” I’m glad I asked.
AGREEING ON EVERYTHING
It’s strange to believe in mind reading. But it makes sense when you realize that
many people with a fixed mindset believe that a couple should share all of each
other’s views.
If  you  do,  then  you  don’t  need  communication;  you  can  just  assume  your