My Grammar and I (Or Should That Be 'Me'?): Old-School Ways to Sharpen Your English



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my grammar and I

G
EORGE
W. B
USH
*48


B
IBLIOGRAPHY
Rachel Bladon, Nicole Irving and Victoria Parker,
Improve Your English (Usborne Publishing, 1997)
Ian Bruton-Simmonds,
Mend  Your  English,  or  What  We  Should  Have  Been  Taught  At  Primary  School
(Ivy Publishing, 2007)
Mark Foley and Diane Hall,
Advanced Learners’ Grammar (Longman, 2003)
Grammar in Practice 1 (Cambridge University Press)
Graham King,
Good Grammar (HarperCollins Publishers, 2000)
Jack Lynch,
The English Language: A User’s Guide (Focus Publishing, 2008)
The Oxford Guide To English Usage (BCA edition, 1994)
Judy Parkinson,
i before e (except after c): old-school ways to remember stuff (Michael  O’Mara
Books, 2007)
Eric Partridge with revisions by Janet Whitcut,
Usage  and  Abusage:  A  Guide  to  Good  English  ,  third  edition  (Penguin  Books,
1999)
Tony Ramsay,
The Language User’s Handbook: A Survival Guide for Students (E. J. Arnold &


Son, 1989 )
R. L. Trask,
Mind The Gaffe: The Penguin Guide to Common Errors in English (2002)
R. L. Trask,
The Penguin Dictionary of English Grammar (2000)
The  Usborne  Guide  To  Better  English,  Grammar,  Spelling  and  Punctuation
(2003)


N
OTES
*1
    Unless  you  are  reading  in  the  bath,  in  which  case  it  is  probably  too  late.
Tough.
*2
  syllabi? Not necessarily – see
here
.
*3
  Yes, OK: with which the education system may have left you.
†4
  Or should that be such as this? See
here
.
*5
  Inspired by William Safire’s ‘Fumblerules’, first published in the New York
Times , 1979.
*6
  Ironically, misspelled is often misspelled.
†7
  For more on nouns and verbs, see
here
and
here
.
*8
    A  sign  recently  seen  in  a  shop  window:  ‘One  schoolchild  allowed  in  this
shop at anyone time.’ As opposed to nobody time?
†9
Can can be tricky – turn to
here
.
*10
    Like  all  homework,  pupils…  would  be  a  dangling  modifier.  Dangling
what? See
here
.
*11
  For more on verbs, see
here
. For more on tenses, see
here
.
†12
  See
here
for further ranting on this matter.
*13
    Hillary  Clinton  will  never  disremember  nor  misremember  having
‘misspoken’  to  the  detriment  of  her  2008  election  campaign,  claiming  falsely
that she had experienced heavy artillery fire in Bosnia in 1996. ‘If I misspoke it
was just a misstatement,’ she explained. And you can’t argue with that.
*14
    Oh,  OK,  the  breath  is  partly  obstructed  when  you  pronounce  them,  and
they can’t make syllables on their own, but do you really care? Let’s move on.
*15
    If  you’ve  been  paying  attention,  you  should  already  know  about


capitalizing this sort of word. If not, go back to
here
and start again.
*16
  But if you do want to get into hyphens just yet, see
here
.
†17
  Or should it be there is a number of men ? Turn to
here
.
*18
    We  found  these  terms  on  a  website  under  the  heading  ‘Metonymic
merging of grammatical number’, so it is probably safe to say you needn’t worry
too much about them.
*19
  Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes did sing about those louses
going back to their spouses , but she meant a particular sort of louse.
*20
    In  the  sense  of  ‘escorting  someone  off  the  premises’;  the  singular  form
means a supposition.
†21
    The  little  used  specie  ,  meaning  money  in  coins  as  opposed  to  paper  or
bullion,  is  not  actually  a  singular  of  species  and  comes  from  a  different  root
altogether.
*22
  We’ll come back to what the present participle is all about in a minute.
*23
  Eh? See
here
if that was all gobbledegook.
*24
  Not this one, we’re sorry to reveal.
*25
   As  is  so  often  the  case,  there  are  subtle  differences  from  one  side  of  the
Atlantic to the other: George W. Bush sees no objection to saying, ‘We’ll make
America what we want it to be: a literate country and a hopefuller country.’ Bush
has always been a beacon of literacy and hope.
*26
    Though  you  could  have  He  is  the  most  Best-like  footballer  Manchester
United ever signed , if you were likening a contemporary player to George Best,
who was, appropriately enough, superlative in his day.
*27
  Get your claws into clauses
here
.
*28
  The best thing is that superstition is printed in small capitals, indicating a
cross-reference – and in the article on superstition he talks about the ‘havoc that
is wrought by unintelligent applications of unintelligent dogma’, which refers to
such  commonly  held  views  as  you  should  never  split  an  infinitive  (see
here
 ).
Ha!
*29
    Or,  as  the  hilarious  grammatical  joke  goes,  ‘A  preposition  is  not  a  good
word to end a sentence with.’


†30
    If  you  remember,  he  was  the  chap  who  got  us  into  this  complicated
grammatical mess in the first place – see
here
.
*31
  See
here
for the subjunctive.
*32
  Grammarians refer to this as SVO, but it’s a term you never hear outside a
book like this one, so if you throw it into conversation at a dinner party don’t be
surprised if people stare at you blankly and don’t invite you again.
*33
  Far-fetched, we know, but the grammar is what matters here.
*34
  Thank goodness we’re not Ancient Romans, eh?
*35
  Get it? (Oh dear – and there’s worse to come.)
*36
  See
here
for a list of prepositions.
*37
  See
here
on reflexive pronouns for a slightly longer rant on this subject.
*38
  When in doubt, ducking the issue always works for us.
*39
  And nor has anyone else.
*40
    Can’t  get  enough  of  restrictive  and  non-restrictive  clauses?  We  don’t
blame you. Turn to
here
and ponder our obsession with horticultural destruction.
*41
  Hey, there’s an Oxford comma in that sentence – it must have slipped in
while we weren’t looking.
*42
  But only when it’s short for it is , and that’s one rule even the most liberal
of grammarians will insist upon. See
here
.
*43
  This rule is particularly useful if you happen to live in Ancient Greece.
*44
  Oh, help – should it be greengrocers ’?
†45
  To be fair, only one of these is likely to be seen at a greengrocer’s.
*46
  Yes, him again. We did warn you – see
here
.
*47
    Are  you  allowed  to  say  emasculate  these  days?  The  thesaurus  also
suggested eunuchize, but that might be going too far.
*48
  Yes, him again. Where would this book – or indeed the free world – have
been without him?

Document Outline

  • COVER
  • TITLE
  • Dedication
  • Copyright
  • Contents
  • Acknowledgements
  • Introduction: A Very Brief History of English Grammar
  • Grammar Rules (to Avoid)
  • #1. SPELLING AND CONFUSABLES
  • 2. PARTS OF SPEECH
  • 3. SENTENCE STRUCTURE
  • 4. PUNCTUATION
  • 5. ODDS AND SODS (OR, ELEMENTS OF STYLE)
  • Bibliography
  • Notes

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