Musashi's Dokkodo (The Way of Walking Alone)

Insurance Executive:
Resentment is a powerful mindset that most often has very little
effect on its target, although it does chew and gnaw on the person

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holding the feeling. Let’s say I resent a friend because her husband
makes more money than mine, or because she looks better in the
same blouse I own, or because she gets the best assignments
where we work. Holding on to anger and bitterness accomplishes
nothing. My resentment alone isn’t going to change the
circumstances and it’s not going to give my friend a bad case of the
flu no matter how much I will it to happen. These toxic feelings will,
however, cause me stress, indigestion, sleeplessness, and harden
my personality, especially toward her, someone who might or might
not have any control over the things for which I’m resentful.
How ridiculous to be bitter at someone because their spouse has a
better paying job. After all, everything is relative. Her husband earns
a larger paycheck than my husband but mine makes more money
than someone else’s husband, and so on and so on. Does she look
better in her duplicate blouse because she has skin coloring that
better connects with the color of the blouse? Or does she have
better genes or is she is in better physical condition? If her skin tone
accentuates the blouse better than mine does, why am I feeling
anger and bitterness about something I have no control over and, in
fact, she has no control over? On the other hand, if she fills it out
better because she is in better shape, then I’m stressing over
something I can do something about.
A feeling of resentment is often a matter of low self-esteem.
Conversely, the more confidant you are and the happier you are with
yourself and all that you have, the less chance resentment will rear
its ugly head to disrupt your life and your mental and physical health.
While I like to think of myself as not holding resentment for anything
(anything I can think of right now, anyway) I do have to admit that I’m
a bit of a complainer. My husband says I would complain if I were
lynched with a new rope.
I do feel that complaining is a form of release. I remember a
coworker telling me once about a terrible duty station he had when
he was in the Marines. Everyone complained about the lack of sleep,
lousy food, terrible heat, awful leadership, and so on. Complaints

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filled the air from dawn to lights out and it nearly drove him mad
because he wasn’t a complainer. He agreed with what the others
were saying but whining about what he couldn’t change wasn’t part
of his personality. At about six weeks in, he said it began to dawn on
him that during those times when the men weren’t complaining, they
were joking, laughing, and having a good time in their misery. But not
my friend; he never laughed and joked. He determined that because
he didn’t complain and because he held everything inside without
ever giving it release, it made him constantly grim, bitter, and angry.
So what is the solution? As I’ve discussed elsewhere in the precepts,
it’s always best to take the middle path. In this case, complain a little
and then proceed to see what can be done about the issue. In some
cases, if you took just a little of the energy you put into complaining
about something and applied it to fixing things, you might surprise
yourself at how well things turn out. If, on the other hand, you learn
there is nothing to be done about an issue, then you’ve got to live
with it. When you have no other choice but to live with it, you do your
best to change the way you think about it.
Remember this scientific fact about complaining: 20 percent of the
people you complain to don’t care and the remaining 80 percent are
glad you’re miserable.