Teacher:
It seems to be coded in the human DNA to seek pleasure and avoid
pain. Everyone is drawn to the things that makes them happy, and is
equally quick to avoid the things that cause pain.
How could this be a bad thing?
Well, for a start, our senses tend to dull. If it is spicy food which
brings pleasure, a pleasure I overindulged in for far too many years,
it seems that one must up the ante with the passage of time. I
reached a point where jalapeno peppers were a snack and when I
needed spicy I had to reach for the ghost pepper sauce.
[6]
Alcoholics
go through the same thing. They get more and more wasted and
eventually find that they need to consume more and more alcohol to
get that blissful floating/falling feeling.
Our bodies cannot take these extremes. We were not designed for
that. In my case, I ruined my guts and must live on rather bland,
often flavorless food, or else suffer unspeakable pain. For the
alcoholic, the liver fails and they suffer a slow debilitation leading to
death.
Moreover, indulging in pleasures interferes with reaching goals. The
students who go home and study, even though it means missing a
party are better off in the long run than those who skip the study and
attend the festivities. Keeping an eye on the goal, and working
toward that goal every day involves sacrifice. This sacrifice can
come in many forms.
In my teen years, I wanted to be a great martial artist. I wanted to be
Bruce Lee or Chuck Norris, and I knew that if I were only dedicated
enough, I could make it happen. Although it gives my students today
quite a belly laugh to hear it, I have no shame in admitting that I
didn’t even go out on my first date until I was 20 or 21 years old.
When my friends were pairing off and having fun, I was the weird kid
saying, “No, I have to go to kung fu.” It felt like a sacrifice having no
social life, but to me it was more important that I was focusing on my
training. I had an idea of where I wanted my life to go. And if I got
side-tracked, somehow I knew it would mean that I would fail.
Sometimes it is hard to say “no” to things like parties and hangouts
and fun times. Each person is different, everyone walks their own
path. But, when you really have a goal you have to keep one thing in
mind at all times: While you are pursuing that goal, someone else is
too. And any time that you step down and decide that something
else is more important in that moment,
they will pass you
. And the
reason is simple, in that moment
they wanted it more than you did
.
No matter how much you want a particular goal, someone else
wants it too. And the way of the world is that the prize usually goes
to the most qualified.
The willingness to sacrifice, the ability to delay gratification is the key
to achieving your dreams. I am reminded of the famous
marshmallow experiments of the late 50s and early 60s. They took a
group of four-year-old kids and left them alone in a room with a
marshmallow on a plate. They told the kids that if the marshmallow
was still there when they returned, the kid could have two
marshmallows. Some of the kids just ate the marshmallow while
others struggled terribly, but waited until they could have two treats.
Years later, they tracked down the kids who were grown adults and
discovered that the kids who were able to wait were much happier
and much more successful by every measure they used. The
patience and self-discipline they had demonstrated as children made
them successful later in life.
Yes, I agree with most people that not seeking pleasure for its own
sake is a good idea. Pleasure is good. But if we want to live a life of
meaning we have to be able to set it aside in order to achieve our
goals, whether these goals are athletic, academic, or professional.
Being able to set aside wants for a higher goal is part of being a
functional adult.
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