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THE DARK NIGHT
Although the remaining pages of her journal document the people and
situations that she saw and even the feelings she had while doing her
work, it is still hard to imagine the tremendous loneliness that Mother
Teresa must have felt as she made her way through the slums of Calcutta
in those first months. For someone who had been accustomed to the order
and peace of convent life, the reality must have been jarring. But Mother
Teresa’s faith in God was absolute, and so she kept up her work, despite
the exhaustion and pain she felt at the end of the day.
Her faith also kept Mother Teresa from falling into despair, for she
sensed that her work accomplished very little. Calcutta faced intractable
problems. Since winning independence from Great Britain, India had
been divided into two nations: Muslim Pakistan and Hindu India. De-
spite the creation of a separate country for Muslims, conflict between
them and the Hindus continued, sometimes erupting into bloody vio-
lence, which left families devastated and areas ravaged. Many Hindus
seeking jobs flooded the streets of an already-overcrowded Calcutta.
Most ended up in the streets, and with a growing shortage of food and
water, many were plunged into unrelenting poverty. Much of the food
and water available became contaminated from the overflowing sewage.
Many considered the acquisition of one rupee (about 11 cents Ameri-
can) as good fortune.
Still, Mother Teresa persevered. As people heard of what she was
doing, they came forth with money, supplies, time, and favors. The bus
driver who drove the route to St. Joseph’s made her sit in a seat next to
him so she should would not have to make the hour-long walk back to St.
Joseph’s. A former teacher at St. Mary’s came to help her teach classes. On
one occasion, she went to a local parish priest for help. As much as he said
he was glad to be of service, he offered her little in the way of encourage-
ment or help. Mother Teresa then went to another priest who was so de-
lighted with what she had accomplished, that he presented her with a gift
of 100 rupees to help carry on her work. It was a princely sum that allowed
Mother Teresa to rent two small huts in Motijihl for five rupees each. One
hut served as a school where the students met for class and where they
were given milk at lunchtime and free bars of soap as prizes.
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M O T H E R T E R E S A
The infectious enthusiasm of the children spread throughout the com-
munity. Here and there, people came forward with small gifts for the
school: a stool, an odd table, even books and slates appeared. By January
4, 1949, less than two weeks after she first set out, Mother Teresa had a
schoolhouse, over 50 students, and three teachers to help her. Not only
were the children learning their alphabet and numbers, but classes in
needlework were offered for the young girls as well as the continuing em-
phasis on teaching the children hygiene and catechism. The school was
soon formally blessed. It was one of Mother Teresa’s greatest successes.
The other hut on the premises was used for a more solemn purpose: car-
ing for the ill and dying poor, a place where Mother Teresa offered com-
fort, solace, and, above all, dignity to those who had no home and no
hope. Her reasons for creating the small hostel arose out of one of her
many experiences in dealing with the poorest of the poor. One day,
Mother Teresa saw a woman dying on the street beside a hospital. She
picked the woman up and took her to the hospital but was refused admis-
sion because the woman had no money. The woman later died on the
street. Mother Teresa then realized that she must make a home for the
dying.
Still, she was plagued by doubt about whether she was doing the work
God had called her to do. There were moments when she wished to return
to the quiet and security that the Loreto convent offered. On one occa-
sion when she approached a priest for financial aid, he treated her as if she
were doing something wrong by begging, telling her to ask instead her
own parish priest for money. He left her saying he did not understand and
brusquely turned away. The experience reduced Mother Teresa to tears
and raised grave self-doubts. She would later say that God was training
her; but in order to carry out His will, she had to feel completely useless
and inadequate to the task before her. Continually, she struggled to turn
her will aside and place her faith completely with God in the hope that
He would continue to show her the way. She later wrote of this period as
the “dark night of the birth”
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of her order, the Missionaries of Charity.
But in her begging for food, medicine, clothing, and money, Mother
Teresa was actually carrying out a time-honored tradition of mendicancy.
Throughout much of India’s history, priests, holy men, and teachers de-
pended on the support of the community for their livelihood. Her begging
letters and begging expeditions were a natural outgrowth of her own
poverty and a dependence on providence to provide for her basic needs and
the needs of those she helped. Although in some western cultures such
overt dependence is often looked down upon, in India, as well as in tradi-
tional Roman Catholic practice, begging was nothing to be ashamed about.
O U T O F A C E S S P O O L — H O P E
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