The Journey: Step 4
You’re in touch with your triggers and you’re excruciatingly aware of your
fixed-mindset persona and what it does to you. It has a name. What happens
now? Educate it. Take it on the journey with you.
The more you become aware of your fixed-mindset triggers, the more you can
be on the lookout for the arrival of your persona. If you’re on the verge of
stepping out of your comfort zone, be ready to greet it when it shows up and
warns you to stop. Thank it for its input, but then tell it why you want to take this
step and ask it to come along with you: “Look, I know this may not work out,
but I’d really like to take a stab at it. Can I count on you to bear with me?”
When you hit a setback, the chances are excellent it’s going to show up again.
Don’t suppress it or ban it. Just let it do its thing. Let it do its song and dance,
and when it settles down a bit, talk to it about how you plan to learn from the
setback and go forward: “Yes, yes, it’s possible that I’m not so good at this (yet),
but I think I have an idea of what to do next. Let’s just try it.”
When you’re under pressure and you’re afraid your team will let you down,
tell them that Duane is in full bloom and ask them what they need from you to
do their best work. Try to understand and respect where they are and what
they’re thinking, and try to support and guide them. Keep talking to Duane so he
can calm down—and then help you cut them some slack and contribute to team
process.
Remember that your fixed-mindset persona was born to protect you and keep
you safe. But it has developed some very limiting ways of doing that. So educate
it in the new growth mindset ways that it can support you: in taking on
challenges and sticking to them, bouncing back from failure, and helping and
supporting others to grow. Understand the persona’s point of view, but slowly
teach it a different way of thinking, and take it with you on your journey to a
growth mindset.
Understanding that everyone has a fixed-mindset persona can give us more
compassion for people. It allows us to understand their struggles. I mentioned in
a previous chapter how upset I was to learn that some educators were scolding
children for acting in fixed-mindset ways. They would point to the mindset chart
in the front of the room and tell the kids to shape up.
Compare this to the following teacher. Over a period of time, this teacher had
her grade school class talk about their fixed-mindset triggers and then give their
personas a name. One boy wouldn’t do it, which was very much in line with a lot
of his behavior. There were many things he wouldn’t do no matter how much the
teacher gently encouraged him. For weeks he sat there mute while every other
student in the class talked about and drew pictures of their little fixed-mindset
personas—Scared Sally, Lazy Larry, Anxious Andy, or Helpless Hannah. But
the teacher let him know that she was there for him whenever he was ready, and
one day, out of nowhere, he said, “Dumping Dan.” “What?” the teacher asked.
“Dumping Dan,” he repeated. “Whenever I do something, I do it wrong. I can’t
do anything right. That’s why everyone dumps on me.” Whenever he tried to do
his schoolwork, it seemed that Dumping Dan would yell at him so loudly that he
couldn’t proceed. The teacher rushed to his side and worked with him and
Dumping Dan so that eventually Dan relented, gave him some peace, and
allowed him to work. After that, his growth was tremendous.
How many students or employees are considered incompetent, stubborn, or
defiant when they just don’t know how to function well under the current
conditions? How often do we threaten, punish, or write off these people rather
than helping them work it through or helping them find the conditions under
which they can thrive?
—
Every one of us has a journey to take.
• It starts by accepting that we all have both mindsets.
• Then we learn to recognize what triggers our fixed mindset. Failures?
Criticism? Deadlines? Disagreements?
• And we come to understand what happens to us when our fixed-mindset
“persona” is triggered. Who is this persona? What’s its name? What does it
make us think, feel, and do? How does it affect those around us?
• Importantly, we can gradually learn to remain in a growth-mindset place
despite the triggers, as we educate our persona and invite it to join us on
our growth-mindset journey.
• Ideally, we will learn more and more about how we can help others on
their journey, too.
LEARN AND HELP LEARN
Let’s say you’ve named and tamed your fixed-mindset persona. That’s great, but
please don’t think your journey is complete. For your growth mindset to bear
fruit, you need to keep setting goals—goals for growth. Every day presents you
with ways to grow and to help the people you care about grow. How can you
remember to look for these chances?
First, make a copy of this graphic summary of the two mindsets, which was
created by the wonderful Nigel Holmes, and tape it to your mirror. Each
morning, use it to remind yourself of the differences between the fixed and
growth mindsets. Then, as you contemplate the day in front of you, try to ask
yourself these questions. If you have room on your mirror, copy them over and
tape them there, too.
DIAGRAM BY NIGEL HOLMES
What are the opportunities for learning and growth today? For
myself? For the people around me?
As you think of opportunities, form a plan, and ask:
When, where, and how will I embark on my plan?
When, where, and how make the plan concrete. How asks you to think of all the
ways to bring your plan to life and make it work.
As you encounter the inevitable obstacles and setbacks, form a new plan and
ask yourself the question again:
When, where, and how will I act on my new plan?
Regardless of how bad you may feel, chat with your fixed-mindset persona and
then do it!
And when you succeed, don’t forget to ask yourself:
What do I have to do to maintain and continue the growth?
Remember, as Alex Rodriguez, the baseball player, wisely said: “You either
go one way or the other.” You might as well be the one deciding the direction.
THE ROAD AHEAD
Change can be tough, but I’ve never heard anyone say it wasn’t worth it. Maybe
they’re just rationalizing, the way people who’ve gone through a painful
initiation say it was worth it. But people who’ve changed can tell you how their
lives have been enhanced. They can tell you about things they have now that
they wouldn’t have had, and ways they feel now that they wouldn’t have felt.
Did changing toward a growth mindset solve all my problems? No. But I
know that I have a different life because of it—a richer one. And that I’m a more
alive, courageous, and open person because of it.
It’s for you to decide whether change is right for you now. Maybe it is, maybe
it isn’t. But either way, keep the growth mindset in your thoughts. Then, when
you bump up against obstacles, you can turn to it. It will always be there for you,
showing you a path into the future.
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