The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

STRATEGY #3: REPLACE "NO"
WITH ANOTHER WORD
S
aying no can have negative effects, even if you do it with
grace. For example, someone asking for your help might be
offended if he or she associates the word “no” with a
personal rejection. This individual might become angry if his
or her ego is hurt by your response.
These reactions can occur regardless of how tactful you
are in declining the request. The word “no” carries an air of
finality. Many people are ill-prepared to hear it, and lack the
ability to accept it with poise and understanding.
After repeatedly interacting with such folks, we learn
that saying no to them is not only difficult, but also costly.
Oftentimes, these people leave in anger and tell their peers
that we’re inflexible and unwilling to help. This can burn
bridges, jeopardize our reputations, and impact our careers.
Is it any wonder that we have difficulty saying no to
people?
The good news is that it’s possible to decline requests
without saying the word “no.” It’s just a matter of finding
different ways to communicate the same message.
For example, suppose a family member asks you to take
him to the airport. You could simply say no and provide a
sincere reason. If he’s sympathetic to your circumstances,
that should suffice.

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But let’s say you know from past experience that he’s
not sympathetic. He’s inclined to hear “no” as a personal
rejection, and likely to be angered by it. To avoid this
reaction, how else might you decline his request?
Here are a few examples:
I can’t commit to that right now
because I’m focused on a high-
priority project.”
This response tells the family member that you’re busy
and unable to break away from your work.
I’d like to help you, but I’m
swamped with this project right
now.”
This response lets the family member know that he’s
important to you, but there’s a valid reason you’re unable to
accommodate him.
People are depending on me to
finish this project. If I abandon it
to help you, I’d be letting them
down.”
This response explains that you’re forced to decline the
request because of a prior commitment. Most people would
hesitate before asking you to desert your obligations.
Notice how none of the above examples use the word
“no.” It’s a difficult word to say because it’s a difficult word
to hear. Turning down requests in ways that allow you to
avoid saying no outright can help soften the blow. That can
defuse any potential confrontation with the requestor.
This approach can be effective for any type of request.
It’ll work just as well when you’re asked for money as it will
when you’re asked to devote your time or labor.

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