The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

SCRIPTING OTHERS
Most people are a function of the social mirror, scripted by the opinions, the
perceptions, the paradigms of the people around them. As interdependent
people, you and I come from a paradigm which includes the realization that
we are a part of that social mirror.
We can choose to reflect back to others a clear, undistorted vision of
themselves. We can affirm their proactive nature and treat them as
responsible people. We can help script them as principle-centered, value-
based, independent, worthwhile individuals. And, with the Abundance
Mentality, we realize that giving a positive reflection to others in no way
diminishes us. It increases us because it increases the opportunities for
effective interaction with other proactive people.
At some time in your life, you probably had someone believe in you when
you didn’t believe in yourself. They scripted you. Did that make a
difference in your life?
What if you were a positive scripter, an affirmer, of other people? When
they’re being directed by the social mirror to take the lower path, you
inspire them toward a higher path because you believe in them. You listen
to them and empathize with them. You don’t absolve them of responsibility;
you encourage them to be proac tive.
Perhaps you are familiar with the musical, 
Man of La Mancha.
It’s a
beautiful story about a medieval knight who meets a woman of the street, a

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prostitute. She’s being validated in her life-style by all of the people in her
life.
But this poet knight sees something else in her, something beautiful and
lovely. He also sees her virtue, and he affirms it, over and over again. He
gives her a new name—Dulcinea—a new name associated with a new
paradigm.
At first, she utterly denies it; her old scripts are overpowering. She writes
him off as a wild-eyed fantasizer. But he is persistent. He makes continual
deposits of unconditional love and gradually it penetrates her scripting. It
goes down into her true nature, her potential, and she starts to respond.
Little by little, she begins to change her life-style. She believes it and she
acts from her new paradigm, to the initial dismay of everyone else in her
life.
Later, when she begins to revert to her old paradigm, he calls her to his
deathbed and sings that beautiful song, “The Impossible Dream,” looks her
in the eyes, and whispers, “Never forget, you’re Dulcinea.”
One of the classic stories in the field of self-fulfilling prophecies is of a
computer in England that was accidently programmed incorrectly. In
academic terms, it labeled a class of “bright” kids “dumb” kids and a class
of supposedly “dumb” kids “bright.” And that computer report was the
primary criterion that created the teachers’ paradigms about their students at
the beginning of the year.
When the administration finally discovered the mistake five and a half
months later, they decided to test the kids again without telling anyone what
had happened. And the results were amazing. The “bright” kids had gone
down significantly in IQ test points. They had been seen and treated as
mentally limited, uncoopera tive, and difficult to teach. The teachers’
paradigms had become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But scores in the supposedly “dumb” group had gone up. The teachers
had treated them as though they were bright, and their energy, their hope,
their optimism, their excitement had reflected high individual expectations
and worth for those kids.
These teachers were asked what it was like during the first few weeks of
the term. “For some reason, our methods weren’t working,” they replied.
“So we had to change our methods.” The information showed that the kids
were bright. If things weren’t working well, they figured it had to be the

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teaching methods. So they worked on methods. They were proactive; they
worked in their Circle of Influence. Apparent learner disability was nothing
more or less than teacher inflexibility.
What do we reflect to others about themselves? And how much does that
reflection influence their lives? We have so much we can invest in the
Emotional Bank Accounts of other people. The more we can see people in
terms of their unseen potential, the more we can use our imagination rather
than our memory, with our spouse, our children, our coworkers or
employees. We can refuse to label them—we can “see” them in new fresh
ways each time we’re with them. We can help them become independent,
fulfilled people capable of deeply satisfying, enriching, and productive
relation ships with others.
Goethe taught, “Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a
man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.”