How I met Her

A big part of my life is always about love, whether it is family love, relationship love or friendship love. Even what I do at work is pretty much revolving around doing what I love to do with the people I love! In other words, love makes my world go round, and without love, I would not even want to exist on this planet. This is why it gets a whole chapter on its own in my upcoming book. I will talk about the importance of friendship, how it has helped me in life, and my long quest for a lasting love that would later on become my husband. But for now, I want to tell you the story about a special friend of mine. I call her “Squirrel”.

Let’s talk about friendship. I’m not talking about childhood friends, classmates or the casual friends you have at your workplace. I am talking about friends that become your family, that help build your dreams, and pick you back up again and again wherever you end up in life. Today, I am incredibly blessed with beautiful friendships, even though I am not the most sociable person since my days as a kid (due to my shyness and constant “on-the-move” childhood). Real friends do not just bring fun or muse to your life. Real friends can also bring love, romance (the platonic kind of romance), passion and a deep sense of fulfillment as you grow older together. I don’t believe in a life without friendships, as much as I don’t believe in a life without love.

How I met Her

I met my best friend, my soulmate, in late 2011. Her name is Ngoc Anh but she introduced herself as Na. I thought it was quite a funny name, but since “na” is also the name of my favorite fruit in Vietnam, she got my attention. She is 7 years younger than me, and we met when I interviewed her for a position as a sales staff in Kitchen Art store that was about to open. An unlikely friendship, I know. She was barely 20, still a university student, and I was 27 about to start up my first business. Despite our relationship being boss and staff in the beginning, it somehow blossomed into a very pure friendship that would light up my days for years to come. I started giving her the nickname “Squirrel”, because she would always shuffle around places so quickly and getting things done so efficiently. She is till this day still my right hand woman and I don’t know what I would do without her throughout my entire entrepreneural journey.

Many people around me wonder why we are so close, given our age gap and stark differences in both personality and style. It’s still a question I can’t answer myself. But that is the beauty of love and friendship. It doesn’t discriminate age or background.

Since we met 7 years ago, she has witnessed me going through heartbreaks, disappointments, starting my businesses, rising to success, failing again and again, getting dumped, getting married, and becoming a mother. She even helped me babysit my baby when he was barely a few weeks old, despite never holding a baby before. Not once did she leave my side, except for the time she left for studies in Australia a few years ago. I almost thought our journey together would separate from there. But she came back and was in no time back to my side both as a friend and a co-worker. Her loyalty and support has taught me a lot about friendship. Unlike the friendships I have had in my past that was mostly during fun, peaceful and happy times, this time, I am blessed with her friendship and support through the rollercoaster years of being a struggling entrepreneur. It made me a better friend too. Despite being much older than her, I realized I should never lecture her or convince her to do what I think is “right” just because I am older or know “better”. I just stay by her side and make sure she has my support through her ups and downs, her mistakes, her losses and her wins. Sometimes I do feel the urge to stop her from making the same mistakes I have made in my past to avoid getting hurt. But being a friend does not mean you stop each other from making mistakes. It means you are there for each other when the other person makes mistakes, falls down, and make sure you help them get back up again and learn from their own lessons. It’s the same space and respect she has given me too. No matter what my crazy idea or dream was, if I believed in it, she would back me up 100% and support me with bringing those ideas and dreams to life, never once questioning my ability or intention.

It was not easy to transition my life back to Vietnam after growing up and becoming an adult overseas. I had no friends and zero social life. Through Na, I slowly regained a more balanced social life while growing my business and rebuilding my life in Vietnam. I made friends with her friends, and we made new friends together, that have now become our lovely family both at work and outside work.

Our relationship has grown in professional aspects too, from a boss-employee relationship to now, partners, in our own company (DCA Holding). This does not mean that every friendship can blossom in business, as I have personally experienced the downfall of my own friendships when it came to being business partners. But thankfully, my friendship with Na persevered and only became stronger through our work. Perhaps it’s the deep love and respect we both have for each other that makes working together feel so easy and meaningful too. Or it could be that we embody the same visions and values when it comes to life and business. When we do something together, it becomes both a beautiful experience and an amazing end-result because we both go into each project with all our hearts and never settle for anything that is less than what we envision for. When I first started becoming an entrepreneur, I thought that I needed strong partners who are more experienced and more financially capable than me. But through the years, I realized, the most important partner I ever needed was someone who would love the work and the purpose of the work as much as I do, someone who would believe in me and have my back through any set back and challenges. Together, we built KAfe, we built Yu Tang, and everything that we continue to envision together. That, to me, is the best partnership you can have in business and in life.

They say if you want more romance and love in your life, start by making your friendships romantic. It may sound funny but with Na, I always feel that it’s not just friendship but also a deep love and mutual respect that makes the friendship “romantic” in its own way. Now this is not the same love as boy girl love, but it is no different than the solid love you have with family and the deep bond you may have with your spouse. We always make time for each other and celebrate our special moments together in a “romantic” way. We give each other gifts, celebrate our friendship anniversary (in fact our 7th anniversary is today!), and have “dinner dates” every now and then to catch up on everything that goes on in our lives, even though we already see each other everyday at work. Perhaps that is why we both never felt like we “needed” a man to make us happy. In fact, the majority of the years we have known each other, we were happy singles. I never felt lonely or the need to find someone just to make me less lonely, because I already had a friendship that fulfilled me. To everyone who is still single out there, my number one tip to you is to find a friend that makes you feel as loved and as fulfilled as possible, instead of seeking it in a romantic partner. You will realize that having a friend like that in your life will make you confident, happy and never insecure or afraid to lose whoever you are going to date. Now that is going to attract much healthier relationships towards you.

If you go through a break up, you will also move on with more ease with a friend by your side who fiercely defends and protects your happiness. Every time I felt broken and defeated in love, Na reminded me that I was worthy of someone better, because of the way she treats me. In fact, we have always told each other that we will not settle for anyone who can’t treat us the way we treat each other. And so guys have come in and out of our lives, but we outlasted all of them until we both met our husbands-to-be. And even then, we continue to prioritize our friendship, because friendships are important especially when you start your own family. It is a scared part of my life that I fiercely protect and cherish, like the chicken soup to my soul that will keep me warm and sane as I maneuver through life as a wife, mother and entrepreneur.

My journey as a first time mother has not been easy, trying to juggle so many things at the same time. Na made me feel less alone as I found my way to rebuild my life around being mother, simply by being there for me. I had to return to work just 6 weeks after birth, and she was there to help me babysit, shuttle my baby around and even bottle fed him as I was replying to emails or answering work phone calls. She was there before we found a nanny for Oli, and even after that, she continued to help me both at work and at home with Oli until both me and Oli were strong enough to be on our own for longer periods of time. I hope that there would be more women supporting each other like this during the challenging and confusing time of new motherhood, by simply showing up, giving a helping hand and showing empathy for each other.

Two “moms” and a baby

Nothing makes me happier than seeing Na happy, and witnessing her blossom from a young university student into a confident, strong and capable woman today has been my greatest privilege. After close to a decade growing together, sharing tears and laughter, joy and despair, I am so happy to see her going to get married to a lovely, kind and generous man who loves, cherishes and respects her the way she deserves, and I look forward to being a part of her next chapter in life, the same way she has been in mine.

And to Na, I can only say “Thank You” for being such a gift in my life so far, for making my life better and brighter in so many ways, everyday. To many more years growing and exploring life together!