Games People Play



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Games People Play The Psychology of Human Relationships (Eric Berne) (z-lib.org)

1 BUSMAN'S HOLIDAY 
Thesis
. Strictly speaking, this is a pastime rather than a game, and evidently a constructive one for 
all concerned. An American mail carrier goes to Tokyo to help a Japanese postman on his rounds, 
or an American ear-nose-and-throat specialist who spends his holiday working in a Haitian hospital
will very likely feel just as refreshed and have just as good stories to tell as if he had gone hunting 
in Africa or spent the time driving through transcontinental highway traffic. The Peace Corps has 
now given official sanction to Busman's Holiday. 
"Busman's Holiday" becomes a game, however, if the work is secondary to some ulterior motive 
and is undertaken merely as a show in order to accomplish something else. Even under those 
circumstances, however, it still keeps its constructive quality and is one of the more commendable 
covers for other activities (which may also be constructive). 
2 CAVALIER 
Thesis
. This is a game played by men who are not under sexual pressure—occasionally by younger 
men who have a satisfactory marriage or liaison, more often by older men who are gracefully 
resigned to monogamy or celibacy- Upon encountering a suitable female subject, White takes every 
opportunity to remark upon her good qualities, never transgressing the limits appropriate to her 
station in life, the immediate social situation and the requirements of good taste. But within those 
limits he allows full play to his creativity, enthusiasm and originality. The object is not to seduce 
but to exhibit his virtuosity in the art of effective compliment. The internal social advantage lies in 
the pleasure given to the woman by this innocent artistry, and by her responsive appreciation of 
White's skill. In suitable cases, where both are aware of the nature of the game, it may be stretched 
with increasing delight on both sides, to the point of extravagance. A man of the world, of course, 
will know when to stop, and will not continue beyond the point at which he ceases to amuse (out of 
consideration for her) or where the quality of his offerings begins to deteriorate (out of 
consideration for his own pride of craftsmanship). "Cavalier" is played for its external social 
advantages in the case of poets, who are as much, or more, interested in the appreciation of 
qualified critics and the public at large as they are in the response of the lady who inspired them. 
The Europeans in romance, and the British in poetry, seem always to have been more adept at this 
game than the Americans. In our country it has fallen largely into the hands of the Fruit Stand 
school of poetry: your eyes are like avocados, your lips like cucumbers, etc. "Cavalier," Fruit Stand 
73


Type, can hardly compare in elegance with the productions of Herrick and Lovelace, or even with 
the cynical but imaginative works of Rochester, Roscommon and 
Dorset. 

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