12. Time To…
For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones together;
A time to seek,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to cast away;
A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
A time for war,
And a time for peace;
A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones together…
13. A Test
– Do flies fly? Do bears bear? Do ducks duck?
–
Yeah. Do fleas flee? Do ravens rave? Do cheetahs cheat? Do Russians rush? That’s childish!
Be serious!
–
OK, do you have something better, Mister Oh-So-Serious?
– I do. I’ll give you a very simple test. A psychological test.
–
OK.
– Are you ready?
– Yes, I am.
–
Repeat after me: silk, silk, silk.
–
Silk, silk, silk.
– What do the cows drink?
– Milk.
– The answer is incorrect, my friend.
– Why?
–
The cows drink water, my friend. The cows give milk.
– The cows drink… Oh, yes, of course, the cows drink water. I know that! But how…
–
Psychology, my friend, the human psychology.
– Ha. Cows drink milk. You got me there. I give you that…
–
Actually, your idea’s not so bad either. It’s like: do Marxist guerillas fight for freedom…
in a local zoo?
14. The Butler Did It!
– A crime? Again? Where?
–
In the library, Holmes. The silverware’s gone!
– Ah, notice how it always happens in the library, Watson! Who was present?
– Yours truly, Sir James, Lady Dunn, the judge, colonel Stockton, the banker, the doctor,
the actress, the French chef, the butler…
Say no more, Watson! The butler did it!
– I see. You’re a genius, Holmes, but still…
–
It’s elementary, my dear Watson. Actually, the butler is not a butler at all!
– You don’t say!
– I recognized him right away. The “butler” is the brilliant, but evil Professor Martifarti –
the mastermind behind every crime in the world! It was he who stole the silverware.
–
You mean Professor Moriarti, Holmes. Moriarti. Not Martifarti.
–
Martifarti, Moriarti. Whatever. Another heinous crime is solved, Watson.
Now give me the violin – I want to play…
– Oh, I adore that man!
15. Asking For Trouble
– You want coffee or tea?
– I’m fine, thank you.
–
You’ve been sitting at the computer for two hours. I didn’t see you have breakfast
or take a shower for that matter.
– I’ve been chatting. I’ve found this new chat room and there’s this chap…
– It’s not healthy, you know. You sit there staring at the screen and talking to yourself.
You never even combed your hair. You look like a madman.
– Oh, you exaggerate! I don’t look like a madman! It’s just that…
– Go take a shower right now and have something to eat!
– Oh really…
– Do it now or you won’t know what hit you, buddy! Are you asking for trouble?
– All right, I’ll go but I’ll be eating without an appetite!
– Just shut up and go! Don’t try my patience any longer…
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