Delphi Collected Works of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe \(Illustrated\) pdfdrive com

CHAPTER XII.

The soft allurements of his dear presiding angel, far from leading our friend to

any  one  determined  path,  did  but  nourish  and  increase  the  unrest  he  had

previously  experienced.  A  secret  fire  was  gliding  through  his  veins:  objects

distinct and indistinct alternated within his soul, and awoke unspeakable desire.

At  one  time  he  wished  for  a  horse,  at  another  for  wings;  and  not  till  it  seemed

impossible that he could stay, did he look round him to discover whither he was

wanting to go.

The  threads  of  his  destiny  had  become  so  strangely  entangled,  he  wished  to

see its curious knots unravelled, or cut in two. Often when he heard the tramp of

a horse, or the rolling of a carriage, he would run to the window, and look out, in

hopes it might be some one seeking him, — some one, even though it were by

chance,  bringing  him  intelligence  and  certainty  and  joy.  He  told  stories  to

himself, how his friend Werner might visit these parts, and come upon him; how,

perhaps, Mariana might appear. The sound of every post’s horn threw him into

agitation. It would be Melina sending news to him of his adventures: above all, it

would be the huntsman coming back to carry him to the beauty he worshipped.

Of all these possibilities, unhappily no one occurred: he was forced at last to

return  to  the  company  of  himself;  and,  in  again  looking  through  the  past,  there

was one circumstance which, the more he viewed and weighed it, grew the more

offensive and intolerable to him. It was his unprosperous generalship, of which

he never thought without vexation. For although, on the evening of that luckless

day, he had produced a pretty fair defence of his conduct when accused by the

company, yet he could not hide from himself that he was guilty. On the contrary,

in hypochondriac moments, he took the blame of the whole misfortune.

Self-love  exaggerates  our  faults  as  well  as  our  virtues.  Wilhelm  though  the

had awakened confidence in himself, had guided the will of the rest; that, led by

inexperience  and  rashness,  they  had  ventured  on,  till  a  danger  seized  them,  for

which they were no match. Loud as well as silent reproaches had then assailed

him;  and  if,  in  their  sorrowful  condition,  he  had  promised  the  company,

misguided  by  him,  never  to  forsake  them  till  their  loss  had  been  repaid  with

usury, this was but another folly for which he had to blame himself, — the folly

of presuming to take upon his single shoulders a misfortune that was spread over

many.  One  instant  he  accused  himself  of  uttering  this  promise,  under  the

excitement  and  the  pressure  of  the  moment;  the  next,  he  again  felt  that  this

generous  presentation  of  his  hand,  which  no  one  deigned  to  accept,  was  but  a

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light formality compared with the vow his heart had taken. He meditated means

of being kind and useful to them: he found every cause conspire to quicken his

visit to Serlo. Accordingly he packed his things together; and without waiting his

complete  recovery,  without  listening  to  the  counsel  of  the  parson  or  of  the

surgeon, he hastened, in the strange society of Mignon and the harper, to escape

the inactivity in which his fate had once more too long detained him.

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