Copyright 2001, Colin C. Tipping

Blaming Our Parents
Much of the inner child work of the eighties focused
heavily on blaming our parents, or someone else, for
the fact that we are unhappy now. The idea “I would be
happy today if it weren't for my parents,” is the mantra
associated with this work. It gives us permission to
feel that 
they did this to us,
a perception that is much
easier to live with than believing we have somehow 
re-
quested
to be treated in this manner. Such a viewpoint
also pleases the Ego, because it automatically recre-
ates us as victim. As long as we continue blaming our
parents for our problems, each succeeding generation
continues this belief pattern.
Clearing Emotional Toxicity
I do not wish to imply that getting in touch with our re-
pressed childhood rage and pain and finding ways to
release it, is bad. In fact, doing so is essential. We
must first do this work before moving onto forgiveness,
for we cannot forgive if we are angry. However, too many
workshops and therapies focus purely on our anger and
fail to help us transform it through forgiveness of any
kind. When we couple anger work with Radical For-
giveness, all sorts of repressed emotional and mental
toxicity are cleared, and the permanent release of an-
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ger becomes possible. Thus, we move out of
woundedness and beyond victimhood.
Navaho Forgiveness Ritual
I once heard Caroline Myss describe the ritual that the
Navaho Indians had for preventing woundology from be-
coming an addictive pattern. While they certainly rec-
ognized the need for people to speak of their wounds
and to have them 
witnessed
by the group, they under-
stood that speaking about their wounds gave the
wounds power, especially when done to excess. There-
fore, if a person had a wound or a grievance to share,
the tribe would meet and the person could bring it to
the circle. This person was allowed to air his griev-
ance three times and everyone listened with empathy
and compassion. On the fourth occasion, however, as
the person came into the circle, everyone turned their
backs. “Enough! We have heard you express your con-
cern three times. We have received it. Now let it go.
We will not hear it again,” they said. This served as a
powerful ritual of support for letting go of past pain.
Imagine if we were to support our friends in that same
manner? What if, after they had complained about their
wounds and their victimization three times, we then said,
"I have heard you enough on this subject. It's time you
let it go. I will not give your wounds power over you any
longer by allowing you to talk about them to me. I love
you too much.”
I am sure if we did this, many of our friends would call
us traitors. They would likely see our behavior not as
an act of pure loving support but of betrayal,and they
might turn against us immediately.