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Janet’s Story
Janet, who had cancer, attended one of my early can-
cer retreats, but her tumor was not the only thing eating
away at her. The anger she felt concerning her twenty-
three year-old daughter Melanie was doing the same.
By all accounts, Melanie exhibited some pretty strong
rebellious behavior. She was verbally abusive to Janet
and Janet’s new husband Jim and she had attached
herself to a rather unsavory man. "I hate her with a ven-
geance," Janet related. "Her behavior towards me and
Jim is simply abominable, and I can't stand it any more.
I really hate her."
We dug a little deeper into Janet’s personal history and
found that a similar relationship had existed between
Janet and her own mother. It was not as clear and dra-
matic as the drama with Melanie, but the dynamic was
similar. Janet had resented how much her mother had
controlled her and tried to run her life. Janet did not
rebel like Melanie, though. Instead she had became
withdrawn and cold toward her mother.
We began to explore how the dynamic with Melanie
reflected her soul's willingness to help her heal her is-
sues with her mother, but Janet was not willing to see
this. She simply was too angry to hear anything that
did not correspond with her feelings. So, we asked
her to move into her anger, to feel and to express it by
beating cushions with a tennis racquet and shouting.
(Anger is very effectively released through the combi-
nation of physical action and the use of the voice.) Al-
though she released some anger toward her mother,
her anger with Melanie remained.
Janet’s
Satori
That evening’s retreat session was reserved for
Satori-
Breath.
To experience Satori-Breath and use it for
healing, everyone in the group lies on the floor and
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breathes consciously and vigorously for about an hour
while listening to loud music. (See Part 4, Chapter 27.)
While this may sound bizarre, breathing in this manner
often results in emotional release, insight, and integra-
tion of change at the cellular level. That night, Janet
had her Satori — her awakening.
After the breathing session, people began sharing what
had happened for them during the exercise. As soon as
Janet began to share, we knew something important
had happened. Her voice was soft and sweet, whereas
before it had been hard and abrasive. Her posture was
relaxed and open, whereas before it had been tight and
constricted. There was not a trace of the anger that
had filled her being and which we all had felt emanat-
ing from her previously. She was calm and evidently
peaceful. In fact, she hardly seemed the same person.
“I have no idea what all this means,”
she began.
“All I
know is that I saw something while I was breathing,
and it felt more real than anything I can possibly de-
scribe. Nothing much happened for quite a while af-
ter I began breathing
,” she continued.
“Then, suddenly
I found myself floating in space, out there in the ethers.
I was not in a body, and I knew with certainty that I was
re-experiencing a time before I came into my current
life. I was pure spirit. I have never felt so peaceful
and calm. Then I became aware of Melanie, also in
spirit form. She came close, and we began to dance
together — just dancing in space without limitation.
“We began a conversation about coming into our next
lifetime together,”
Janet said.
“This lifetime. The big
question we had to decide was who would play what
role — who was going to play the mother and who was
going to play the daughter. It didn't much matter, for
either way it was going to be a difficult assignment for
us both. It would be a very strong test of our love. We
had to decide, so we agreed that I would be the mother
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and she would be the daughter, and that we would in-
carnate soon thereafter. That's about it,"
she con-
cluded.
"It doesn't sound like a whole lot happened,
but really it did. I just can't put it into words. I just can't
describe the depth and the meaning of what I experi-
enced.”
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