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Is not to let your teeth decay,
And keep your fingers clean.'
And now that I am eighty-nine,
It's too late to repent.
The fault was mine the little swine
Became the President.
'Bravo, Nanny!' cried the President, clapping his hands. 'Hooray!' shouted the
others. 'Well done, Miss Vice-President, ma'am! Brilliant! Tremendous!'
'My goodness!' said the President. 'Those men from Mars will be here any
moment! What on earth are we going to give them for lunch? Where's my Chief
Cook?'
The Chief Cook was a Frenchman. He was also a French spy and at this moment
he was listening at the keyhole of the President's study. 'Ici, Monsieur le
President!' he said, bursting in.
'Chief Cook,' said the President. 'What do men from Mars eat for lunch?'
'Mars Bars,' said the Chief Cook.
'Baked or boiled?' asked the President.
'Oh,
baked
, of course, Monsieur le President. You will ruin a Mars Bar by
boiling!'
The voice of astronaut Shuckworth cut in over the loudspeaker in the President's
study. 'Request permission to link up and go aboard Space Hotel?' he said.
'Permission granted,' said the President. 'Go right ahead, Shuckworth. It's all
clear now . . . Thanks to me.'
And so the large Transport Capsule, piloted by Shuckworth, Shanks and
Showler, with all the hotel managers and assistant managers and hall porters and
pastry chefs and bell-boys and waitresses and chambermaids on board, moved in
smoothly and linked up with the giant Space Hotel.
'Hey there! We've lost our television picture,' called the President.
'I'm afraid the camera got smashed against the side of the Space Hotel, Mr
President,' Shuckworth replied. The President said a very rude word into the
microphone and ten million children across the nation began repeating it
gleefully and got smacked by their parents.
'All astronauts and one hundred and fifty hotel staff safely aboard Space Hotel!'
Shuckworth reported over the radio. 'We are now standing in the lobby!'
'And what do you think of it all?' asked the President. He knew the whole world
was listening in and he wanted Shuckworth to say how wonderful it was.
Shuckworth didn't let him down.
'Gee, Mr President, it's just
great
!' he said. 'It's
unbelievable
! It's so
enormous
!
And so . . . it's kind of hard to find words to describe it, it's so truly grand,
especially the chandeliers and the carpets and all! I have the Chief Hotel
Manager, Mr Walter W. Wall, beside me now. He would like the honour of a
word with you, sir.'
'Put him on,' said the President.
'Mr President, sir, this is Walter Wall. What a sumptuous hotel this is! The
decorations are superb!'
'Have you noticed that all the carpets are wall-to-wall, Mr Walter Wall?' said the
President.
'I have indeed, Mr President.'
'All the wallpaper is all wall-to-wall, too, Mr Walter Wall.'
'Yes, sir, Mr President! Isn't that something! It's going to be a real pleasure
running a beautiful hotel like this! . . .
Hey! What's going on over there?
Something's coming out of the lifts! Help!
' Suddenly the loudspeaker in the
President's study gave out a series of the most ghastly screams and yells.
'
Ayeeeee! Owwwww! Ayeeeee! Hel-l-l-lp! Hel-l-l-l-l-lp! Hel-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-lp!
'
'What on earth's going on?' said the President. '
Shuckworth! Are you there,
Shuckworth? . . . Shanks! Showler! Mr Walter Wall! Where are you all! What's
happening?
'
The screams continued. They were so loud the President had to put his fingers in
his ears. Every house in the world that had a television or radio receiver heard
those awful screams. There were other noises, too. Loud grunts and snortings
and crunching sounds. Then there was silence.
Frantically the President called the Space Hotel on the radio. Houston called the
Space Hotel. The President called Houston. Houston called the President. Then
both of them called the Space Hotel again. But answer came there none. Up
there in space all was silent.
'Something nasty's happened,' said the President.
'It's those men from Mars,' said the Ex-Chief of the Army. 'I
told
you to let me
blow them up.'
'Silence!' snapped the President. 'I've got to think.'
The loudspeaker began to crackle. 'Hello!' it said. 'Hello hello hello! Are you
receiving me, Space Control in Houston?'
The President grabbed the mike on his desk. 'Leave this to me, Houston!' he
shouted. 'President Gilligrass here receiving you loud and clear! Go ahead!'
'Astronaut Shuckworth here, Mr President, back aboard the Transport Capsule . .
.
thank heavens!
'
'What happened, Shuckworth? Who's with you?'
'We're most of us here, Mr President, I'm glad to say. Shanks and Showler are
with me, and a whole bunch of other folks. I guess we lost maybe a couple of
dozen people altogether, pastry chefs, hall porters, that sort of thing. It sure was a
scramble getting out of that place alive!'
'What do you mean you
lost
two dozen people?' shouted the President. 'How did
you lose them?'
'Gobbled up!' replied Shuckworth. 'One gulp and that was it! I saw a big six-
foot-tall assistant-manager being swallowed up just like you'd swallow a lump of
ice-cream, Mr President! No chewing — nothing! Just down the hatch!'
'But
who
?' yelled the President. 'Who are you talking about? Who did the
swallowing?'
'
Hold it!
' cried Shuckworth. 'Oh, my lord, here they all come now! They're
coming after us! They're swarming out of the Space Hotel! They're coming out
in swarms! You'll have to excuse me a moment, Mr President. No time to talk
right now!'
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