Initiatory Experiences
For some people, an experience which seems of a religious nature can
come as a surprise, and be taken as a wake-up call to question and search
for the spiritual side of life.
Simone Weil (1909–1943) born in France to non-practising Jewish
parents, was a brilliant scholar and later a teacher and writer of philoso-
phy. She was a left-wing radical, nick-named the ‘Red Virgin’, who took
her politics so seriously that she joined the anti-fascist cause in the Span-
ish Civil War and took a job in a factory for a time to understand what
life was like for the workers. During World War II she became involved in
the Resistance.
It was on a trip to Assisi that she suddenly felt compelled to sink to her
knees in prayer, after which she began to explore Christianity. She began
to have mystical experiences when she felt that Christ took possession of
her. Weil’s health was not good and she describes her experience during a
retreat at a Benedictine monastery.
I was suffering from splitting headaches; each sound hurt me like a
blow; by an extreme effort of concentration I was able to rise above
this wretched flesh, to leave it to suffer by itself, heaped up in a corner,
and to find a pure and perfect joy in the unimaginable beauty of the
chanting and the words. This experience enabled me by analogy to get
a better understanding of the possibility of loving divine love in the
midst of affliction.
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Eventually Weil embraced the faith and wrote about her beliefs and
experiences, notably in
Gateway to God
and
Waiting on God.
However,
she could never bring herself to be baptized or to join the church.
Conversion
Conversion may refer to the decisive change from unbelief to belief, from
one religious tradition to another, or a more vague recognition of the
right path in life. A change of state of mind is involved, often from confu-
sion or discontent to clarity and happiness. This is often related to reli-
gion, and frequently includes feelings of awakened love for others and a
new direction in life. Some religions are proselytizing, actively seeking
converts, such as Christianity, while others, such as Buddhism discourage
a change of faith from that into which one is born. The Dalai Lama takes
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this stance but whilst not aggressively evangelizing, Buddhism has spread
its message widely.
Conversion is sometimes thought to occur more often during adoles-
cence, a period of searching and unrest. Perhaps it is also a period of
openness to the spiritual side of life. Often a life-long search is begun at
this age, which may or may not lead to a settled acceptance of a particular
tradition. The first major examination of conversion took place right at
the outset of the study of spiritual experience, by Edwin Starbuck in
The
Psychology of Religion,
published in 1899,
in which he particularly exam-
ined the adolescent phenomenon of conversion, within and outside the
context of formal religion. William James uses Starbuck’s research and
devotes two lectures in
The Varieties of Religious Experience
to the topic
of conversion.
This is a classic ‘born again’ experience, written in the late 1960s.
I’m 17 years old, American girl, I live in Los Angeles, California. When
I was 15 years old I was taking drugs, hanging around bands, such as
the late Big Brother and the Holding Co., (Janis Joplin) Jefferson
Airplane, Canned Meat, Mother of Inventions (Frank Zappa). I’m not
trying to brag; I’m just letting you picture how, when your [sic] in that
far and go places with them where they play, you get in very deep with
sex perverts and drug users.
I always considered myself a Christian all my life, just as I consid-
ered myself an American. I never went to church. But when I was 15,
during all the mess I was doing somehow Jesus reached for me and
I accepted Him as my personal savior. That is simply stating in a prayer
to Jesus that you are a sinner and want him to lead your life. When
I said this I really didn’t understand it, but just wanted it. No great
change came with me as it did with people I know. But gradually
I began realizing this great force covering me inside and out with
love. I stopped taking drugs for good. Jesus made me start meeting
Christian friends. I left my old ones, starting reading the Bible and
going to church. I even was a counsellor at the Billy Graham Crusade
last summer here.
Since I accepted Jesus I have seen things no non-Christian could
imagine; yes, miracles so many it would take a book to explain. I sup-
pose you would say I was a ‘hippie’, but I still am. I dress the way I like
and go to a church of about 200 or more ex-hippies and drug addicts.
The guys still wear their hair long, but we’re all like children when we
talk about Jesus. We love him so much! I’m not scared of anything,
I look forward to death if that is what my Lord wants. There’s a love
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101
in me that is super-natural. I never could love people as I do now with
Jesus in my heart.
So many people think that teenagers today are hopeless. Well I’ll tell
you when I go to a Luv-in to witness about Christ I run into so many
other ‘reborn’ Christians. The kids are finding Jesus and man there’s
going to be a revolution about him. You can’t imagine until you accept
him how he can change your life. When I walk down the street, he’s
next to me and I know that. Everywhere I go he’s there. He answers my
wishes and saves my life constantly. I truly am infinite with him and I
feel love and pity for the people I know who laugh at me. Their eyes
are closed like mine were but they can’t even imagine the spirit world
that true Christians know of. Demons, angels. Man if you think there
aren’t demons, wow I’ve seen them. This is getting too long. I’m sorry
it can’t be longer, but when I talk about the life given, the eternal trip,
I never stop talking. [000059]
This is an account of a conversion from one tradition to another, trig-
gered by a vision. It took place when Hugh Montefiore, later Bishop of
Birmingham, was a Jewish teenager at Rugby School.
Sitting alone in my study, I saw a figure in white approach me, and
I heard in my mind’s ear, the words ‘Follow me’. I knew that this was
Jesus. How did I know? I have not the slightest idea. I had no knowl-
edge of Christianity whatsoever – it had intentionally been kept
from me. My parents were both Jewish – my father was president of
his synagogue. I had never been to a church service. I had never read
the New Testament. I had never discussed Christianity with my friends.
The only manifestation of Christianity that I had witnessed was
that a few boys knelt beside their bed to say their prayers at night in
the dormitory. (Jews do not kneel to pray.) Apart from school, all my
friends and acquaintances were Jewish. I had been barmitzvahed in
my synagogue, and at school I did not attend chapel or religious educa-
tion lessons. Far from attending them, someone from outside the school
came to give me lessons in Judaism. I had not been searching for
a faith: indeed, I had even thought of becoming a rabbi. Yet I immedi-
ately recognized the figure I saw as Jesus. How I knew this, I have
no idea. He was not a person who had crossed my conscious mind.
(Naturally I do not know what happens in my unconscious, or it would
not be unconscious.) In my vision, Jesus was clothed in white, although
I cannot remember the nature of his clothes, nor yet his face, and
I doubt if I ever knew them. I feel sure that if anyone had been present
with a tape recorder or a camcorder, nothing would have registered.
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The experience filled me, as conversions often do, with a very deep and
abiding sense of joy and happiness.
I do not often speak of this experience, partly because it is a private
matter and partly because I do not wish to claim any special standing
by coming to Christianity in this way. Indeed, it is an easier way than
most, because the decision was, as it were made for me. . . .
I cannot account for my vision of Jesus by any of the psychological
or neurophysiological explanations on offer. That does not of itself
prove that it was of divine origin, but my experience over the last 60
years of Christian life confirms my belief that it was.
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Sometimes, however hard someone has been searching for the truth,
recognition comes with reluctance. A well-known description of conver-
sion is given by C. S. Lewis at the end of his autobiographical
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