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Say yes to opportunities
♦
had a plan for my career: I was going to study science. I thought
about medicine, or microbiology, or biochemistry. My dad
encouraged me to do a degree that would qualify me to graduate in
four years with a profession. I decided to study dietetics.
In my third year, one of my fellow students said, “I’m going to
nominate you for Vaal Queen.”
I said, “What is that?”
That’s how much I knew.
He explained that it was a beauty competition. I had never gone
out for a pageant. I told him that I was a nerd, not a beauty queen.
For a laugh, he put me up for it, and I was chosen to enter. I wasn’t
sure if I should do it, because it wasn’t my kind of thing. I said yes
anyway. Why not, right? It wasn’t going to mean anything in the long
run.
I thought it was a silly afternoon that I probably would never
remember. But it changed my life.
I am really glad I participated in the beauty competition. It
introduced me to a more professional modeling agency in
Johannesburg. Surprisingly, this became a lifelong second career for
me.
Before I arrived at the building where the pageant was held, I had
no idea how seriously some women took a pageant like that. I was
just a student, remember, and I had not had the experience to know
that for a competition, you’re meant to spend time and money
preparing to win that crown. The other girls looked magnificent.
They had obviously had their hair done, and their makeup was very
professional. And so were their swimsuits.
I was wearing my own swimsuit and did my own hair and makeup.
My whole family came, which was surprising. It wasn’t the sort of
thing they’d usually come out for, but they did.
Backstage, they gave us numbers.
“I don’t want to be number one,” said the girl who had been
chosen to go first.
I said, “I’ll take it.” I wasn’t afraid. Not because I was confident but
because I couldn’t care less about walking that runway. I had my
exams to think about, and I had a boyfriend who had just cheated on
me. There were bigger things. We all walked. At the end, Kaye was
crying, saying, “You were the best.”
I said, “Yeah, right.”
But I won! I was elated.
Some of the girls were really
upset because they had been
depending on a win to promote
their modeling career. I was
happy to win, but I thought the
experience was just something
for fun. The prizes included 100
rand (about $150), a contract
with a Johannesburg modeling
agency, and fees for a modeling
course in Johannesburg.
They also gave me ten bowling
tickets.
Funny enough, after I’d won
and everyone had finished taking
photos, there was no party. We
just had to leave. So my family
went bowling using my tickets. That was lovely. I hadn’t imagined
any of that. Nor could I foresee that starting that modeling course
would lead to photo shoots in Johannesburg, which is only thirty
miles from Pretoria. It was the main center for modeling. I started
driving there in my sister’s car. That is where I learned proper
modeling techniques and professionalism.
Saying yes to modeling and to pursuing my degree were two
completely separate entities. My main focus for most of my life was
studying nutrition and running my own business as a dietitian. I
never depended on modeling as a source of income. When I
modeled, it was definitely a bonus, but I did it because it was fun,
kept me in the fashion world, and allowed me to meet very creative
people.
My modeling career has done so much for me. Modeling has given
me a completely different group of colleagues and friends who I
wouldn’t have known if I just remained a dietitian and mixed with
scientists. Also, modeling helped me explore the world, each city,
because castings can be anywhere, and photo shoots can be either in
dreadful or fabulous locations.
Now, I don’t think that much before saying yes. I’ll say yes if I’m
curious, if it could be interesting or fun or improve my
circumstances.
If you would like to make changes, you need to say, “Why not?”
• • •
At the time, the modeling competition seemed like a small “why
not?” But sometimes, that can be the right attitude for even very big
life changes.
• • •
When Tosca was thirty-seven, she decided it was time to have
children. She had been focused on her life and career, and the idea of
children was always on the back burner. But she began feeling that
her chances of having children were getting slimmer by the day, and
she wasn’t going to settle for a relationship with someone just to
have children. She told us she wanted to do IVF and have kids by
herself, and our family supported the idea.
• • •
Of course there were people who told her not to have children by
herself. They told her that it would be too hard to do alone, that it
wasn’t going to be the right choice, or that it would hurt her career or
be bad for the kids. But those people were just scared for themselves.
What other people, unrelated to you, think you should do with your
life is not something to base your decisions on. Of course, having
children is a big life change no matter what your situation.
I remember just saying: Go for it! I’ll help you choose the sperm
donor! I also told her that it was so much easier without a man
involved—something she agrees with to this day. I was with her
through all the tests (a lot of tests) and disappointments
(heartbreaking at times), and it was tough. As Tosca had to lie down
for four days after her eggs were implanted, I flew in from New York.
It was also the week she was moving. While she watched The West
Wing on the couch, I sorted through all her belongings and filled
twelve large bags for thrift stores or the dumpster. On her thirty-
eighth birthday, she found out that both embryos had taken and she
was pregnant. The pregnancy wasn’t easy either, but pregnancies are
not that easy. And now she has two beautiful children who light up
our lives (and challenge us) daily. All women who do IVF deserve a
big round of applause. It is difficult, but it’s worth it.
• • •
Tosca says that it’s the best decision she has made in her life. Her
children ground her and are a source of such unconditional love. She
tells me they make her look at the world in a completely different
way—how can she make it better for them? What is she doing to help
them? It humbles and inspires her.
It’s complicated with work, as she travels all over the world to
make movies, but they get to be together and experience new places
in the world and see their mother working hard (just like my children
saw me working hard). And I get to babysit them.
No matter how big or small the opportunity, someone else will
always answer the question for you of “why not?” But think about
what’s going to make you happy. Keep opening doors for yourself in
your life; you just never know until you try.
G
NINE
A WOMAN MAKES A PLAN
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