All praise is due only to Allaah. We laud Him and beseech His

“It should not first be asked what the 
level of the girl’s education is, in fact, firstly it should 
be ascertained in which household she was brought 
up.”
Nikah should be made with such a girl whose mother is 
also good, pious and be such a lady who obeys her 
husband and leads a chaste life. A girl brought up in 
such a home, will naturally follow suit the example set 
by her mother. 
Quick looks and hasty decisions lead to miserable lives.
14
A proper choice is that the prospective groom looks at 
the girl’s habits and character and not her looks or 
wealth. He should consider her upbringing and not her 
possessions. He should look at her honour and dignity 
and not how much money she comes with. He should 
look at what type of parents she has and their characters 
as well. He should ask the neighbours and close 
relatives regarding her character, behaviour, etc. He 
should not look at the furniture, appliances and 
decorations in her home, but rather the cleanliness, 
Purdah-awareness and Salaat consciousness.
A good way of finding out about the girl’s family’s 
reputation, is to get your own house-womenfolk to ask 
around the girl’s neighbourhood and family. Since you 
intend to make this girl your wife, her mother will 
become your children’s grandmother and her brother 
will become their uncle, etc. therefore it is important to 
choose a good family, who will certainly have a bearing 
on your child’s character. 
Before entering into Nikah, the boy must make proper 
enquiries regarding the girl’s family and lineage. 
3). 
Beauty
It is also important to consider the girl’s beauty after 
confirming her Deeni-consciousness and lineage, since 
this will ultimately lead to a mutually pleasing life. The 
prospective groom should make an intelligent and wise 
decision. Most families of boy’s, their mothers and 
sisters merely look at the girl’s complexion and her 

---

15
facial features and are overwhelmed. Many a times such 
unions end in regret. 
A better and more appropriate manner rather than just to 
view the girl as a guest, is to see each other in their 
normal everyday surroundings. The Shariah has granted 
consent for this. 
“Hadhrat Abu Hurairah (radhiallahu 
anhu) states that once he was in the company of Nabi 
(sallallahu alayhi wasallam) when a man came there, 
and asked, ‘I have made Nikah to an Ansaari woman. 
Nabi (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) asked him if he had 
seen her, to which he replied in the negative. Nabi 
(sallallahu alayhi wasallam) then told him, ‘Go, Go and 
see her. There is something (different) in the Ansaari 
women (i.e. their eyes are smaller).’”
[Nisai/ Muslim/ 
Mishkaat, page 268] 
The reason is also shown in another Hadith, 
“Go and 
see that women! This is more appropriate and 
conducive to a long-lasting affectionate relationship 
between the two of you.”
[Tirmidhi / Nisai / Ibn Majah / 
Mishkaat, page 269] 
In order for the relationship to withstand time, to 
promote everlasting mutual affection and for there to be 
mutual trust and friendship, it is most important that the 
prospective spouses see each other before they decide.
If the groom’s mother, sisters and family have studied 
and investigated thoroughly the girl’s character and life, 
and they are satisfied and happy to have her as part of 
the family, and the boy trusts fully his family’s choice 
and he also makes up his mind to enter into the Nikah 
with this girl, then too it would be prudent and most 
16
wise for him to have even a small look at her, for his 
and her satisfaction and contentment. Nabi (sallallahu 
alayhi wasallam) had after all, consented to this, and 
there are many hidden wisdoms in this factor. The boy 
should never request for her photo. This option should 
not even be considered, as it entails a violation of the 
Shariah. The Shariah has strictly forbidden photographs 
of animate objects, besides this sinful act, one should be 
aware that the photograph does not do justice to a 
person’s proper features. It can be very misleading. 
There are many permissible ways of having a look at 
the girl, and one may adopt any one of the ways.
However, it is imperative that one gets the consent from 
the girl’s parents. After obtaining this consent, one 
should not adopt an inappropriate manner. An 
honourable and suitable way should be adopted. 
Nowadays we hear many prospective grooms, when 
they are asked if they saw their brides-to-be, reply in 
one of the following ways,