All praise is due only to Allaah. We laud Him and beseech His

“A person complained to Moulana 
Fadhlur Rahmaan Saheb Ganj Muraadabaad (rahmatullah 
alayh), ‘Hadhrat, I do not attain the same pleasure in my Thikr 
as I used to initially.’ He replied, ‘Have you not heard that an 
old spouse becomes a mother.’”
Subhaanallah! What an apt comparison. The meaning of this 
statement is that the pleasure derived in the initial stages is 
always 
nafsaani
. Just as the urge and enthusiasm with a wife 
lasts for the initial stages of the marriage when it is at its most 
intense, and as the years progress this fervour lessens, but the 
relationship matures and becomes more mature, so too is the 
pleasure felt by the 
Saalik
when he starts the Thikr program. 
Initially he does it out of pleasure and enthusiasm and later its 
effects settle on him, and his attitude matures. 
Regarding an old spouse becoming a mother, I recall an 
incident of an affluent person in old India, whose wife passed 
away. One day someone came to him to console him and told 
him, 
“Sir, we are grieved by the passing of your beloved wife.”
He started crying and said, 
“She was not my wife, rather she 
was a mother, who would feed me bread and rub my body.”
Indeed an old spouse does become (like a) mother. 
I recall another incident where an old man resolved to remarry 
in his advanced age. His wife had passed away and his sons and 
daughters-in-law rebuked him for wanting another wife. They 
told him that he is old now and that they are there to see to his 
needs. He ignored their taunts and remarried. 
After some time, he became very ill. He developed diarrhoea 
and started vomiting. All his other relatives did not come near 

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him, so who was there to tend to him, clean up after him, 
comfort him, fed him medicine, etc.? The old man now found 
reason to rebut the arguments of his family and reminded them 
of their displeasure of him remarrying. They realised that at 
that stage of a man’s life, besides a wife, no one else, not even 
children, are prepared to come to his aid.
Nevertheless, one should realise that wife is of such great 
assistance to a man. She sees him through ‘thick and thin’. 
How then is he supposed to treat her and live with her? 
Mostly we see that the men regard their wives as their personal 
slaves and treat them accordingly, using the Aayat of 
Men are 
superior to women
, as their proof. 
Indeed this Aayat does mean that men are superior to women 
and that the woman is subservient to man, but this subservience 
is a point to consider. A man’s wife is subservient to him, his 
children are subservient to him, his staff is subservient to him, 
his driver is subservient to him, etc., etc. All of them are his 
subordinates, but that does not mean that he ‘drives them all 
with one stick’. The wife being subjugated to her husband is 
not like that of his staff. She is his life-partner and has been 
made subservient to him in order for him to be a means of 
solace and protection for her. He will not treat her like he treats 
others that are under him. 
Some miscreant men have the notion that besides their wives 
they should have a mistress who will attend to their base 
desires and urges, whereas their wives are to attend to their 
household chores and ten to their children. The wife is 
supposed to fulfil that task of being a comfort and solace to her 
husband. He is supposed to derive comfort and pleasure from 
her only, which is a Halaal means, worthy of reward.
This will only be the case when you regard your wife as not 
only just a wife, but a companion and truly as your life-partner. 
Now think! Will you exercise the same awe and sternness with 
your friends as you would your labourers? Most certainly not! 
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If you do behave in that manner to your friends as you would 
your staff, then it will not be long that they will all abandon 
you. No intelligent person will relate to his friends as he does 
with his servants. It is then very astounding that you would 
want to behave in that manner with your wife, who is the best 
and closest friend you will ever have. Experience has shown 
that when a man is suffering from insolvency or other calamity, 
then his friends abandon him. Even his family members will 
keep him at a distance. However, his faithful wife will remain 
with him all the way, through thick and thin. After marriage a 
man attains such comfort and solace from his wife during times 
of illness, which he will never experience from any of his 
friends, many a times, not even from his own children. 
It is crystal clear that there is no other better companion and 
friend for a man in this world than his wife.
We can take an example from the life of our beloved Nabi 
(sallallahu alayhi wasallam) who treated his wives with 
extreme justice and compassion, where none of them ever had 
reason to complain. They would also sometimes do things, 
which is normal for women, that would displease or sadden 
him, but he never exercised sternness or anger over them. 
When the incident of Hadhrat Aishah (radhiallahu anha) 
occurred where she was accused of adultery by the hypocrites 
and some misinformed Muslims, then this had an effect on the 
heart of Nabi (sallallahu alayhi wasallam). When Hadhrat 
Aishah (radhiallahu anha) was at her father’s home, Nabi 
(sallallahu alayhi wasallam) told her,