All praise is due only to Allaah. We laud Him and beseech His

One way of saving oneself from Haraam
You should appreciate one fact of life that Allaah Ta`ala has 
made your wife an excellent means and way of you having to 
abstain from Haraam (i.e. in satisfying your carnal desires). 
Nabi (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) has said that a man’s 
cohabiting with his wife is also Sadaqah. The Sahaabah 
(radhiallahu anhum) enquired from Nabi (sallallahu alayhi 
wasallam) how it is that a man receive the reward of sadaqah 
for having satisfied his own desires. Nabi (sallallahu alayhi 
wasallam) replied, 
“If he committed adultery, would he not 
have sinned?”
Therefore we gather that indulging in a Halaal 
act when there is a Haraam avenue is worthy of reward. 
If, Allaah Ta`ala forbid, your gaze falls on a strange woman 
you hear her sweet voice or the thought crosses your mind, then 
the first thing that you should do is to lower and turn your gaze 
away. Fight your nafs and desire and do not cast a second 
glance. If this becomes difficult upon you, then make dua to 
Allaah Ta`ala to assist you and save you from the evil of your 
nafs and shaitaan, and you should also make a concerted effort, 
for which you will be handsomely rewarded. 
Nevertheless, however your wife may be, you should 
appreciate the fact that she is a means of your being saved from 
Haraam and a means of satisfaction for you. You should also 
contemplate on what the situation would be if it were your 
daughter who was not very pretty and was married to a 
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handsome man, would you like that your son-in-law abandon 
your daughter and or make her life difficult? 
If your son-in-law were kind and affectionate towards this 
daughter of your, and displayed excellent character and never 
complains, would you not appreciate that and desire to gift him 
with something? Would you not regard him as a wali of Allaah 
Ta`ala? 
You should then also realise that your wife is someone else’s 
daughter. She was also the light of her parent’s eyes. She did 
not come for free. Her parents had toiled and brought her up 
with the same difficulty all parents undergo in rearing children. 
Therefore, for the pleasure of Allaah Ta`ala, do treat her with 
kindness and mercy. 
Allaah Ta`ala regards as His friends, those who treat their 
wives kindly. The man who patiently perseveres and treats his 
wife kindly, regardless of her faults, nagging or ill-character, 
will attain a high rank by Allaah Ta`ala and such people are 
blessed with a special 
noor
. 
The incident of Hadhrat Shah Abul Hasan Kharqaani 
(rahmatullah alayh) has been recorded in the kitaabs. His wife 
was extremely ill-natured. A man travelled all the way from 
Khurasaan to take bait at Hadhrat Shah’s hands. When he 
arrived at the door he asked, 
“Is Hadhrat in?”
The voice of his 
wife came from inside in reply, 
“What you say, Hadhrat 
Hadhrat, I live with him day and night and I know what a ‘big 
Hadhrat’ he is.”
The poor man started crying and left the house. He told the 
townspeople that he had travelled thousands of miles to come 
there only to find out that Hadhrat Shah Saheb was not a wali. 
The people chastised him for having taken his wife’s word and 
they told him to go into the jungle where he will witness the 
greatness of Hadhrat Shah Saheb. When he came towards the 
jungle he was met by Hadhrat Shah Saheb who was seated on a 
lion and in place of a staff, he had a snake in his hand. When 

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Hadhrat saw him he understood that he had just come from his 
house and explained that owing to his patience and enduring his 
wife’s foul attitude, Allaah Ta`ala had bestowed to him the 
subservience of the wild animals. Hadhrat Shah told the man 
that he regards his wife as a servant of Allaah Ta`ala and passes 
his life in that way. He said that if he has divorce her and she 
will become another man’s wife, where she will then cause 
difficulty on someone else. In this way he is saving his fellow 
Muslim brother from strife. He said that he regards her more as 
a servant of Allaah Ta`ala than his wife, and treats her with 
kindness. 
He said, 
“Had I not made sabr and bore her difficulties, how 
then would I have got this lion to serve me? She carries me on 
her back with my firewood. I have acquired this miracle on 
account of my patience with my wife.”
You should treat your wife with goodness and kindness, which 
will in turn be a ‘pacifier’ for her. If a woman is not shown any 
love or caring, all her evil qualities will become more manifest 
and this will show in her character. 
It is appropriate that every Muslim man regard his life-partner 
(wife) as a human being. She also requires the love, affection 
and attention all humans crave. He should be light-hearted with 
her, and generally be jovial in his approach towards her. 
Imaam Bukhaari (rahmatullah alayh) had set up a special 
chapter entitled, 
“Chapter on instilling happiness in the heart 
of a believer”
. It is of utmost Shar`i and logical importance 
that every Muslim strive to make the next Muslim happy. 
Experience this for yourself and display some extra love and 
affection towards your wife. You will undoubtedly see the 
difference in her attitude towards you. If she does already 
express affection towards you, when you increase you attention 
towards her, she will double in hers towards you. 
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Even if your wife happens to be of those who do not 
reciprocate to your kindness, this does not mean that you 
abandon your efforts. Tell yourself that she is not merely only 
your wife. She is a slave of Allaah Ta`ala, the daughter of 
Hadhrat Aadam (alaihis salaam), a follower of Nabi (sallallahu 
alayhi wasallam) and the coolness of her parents’ eyes. 
Keeping all this in mind, treat her accordingly.