After the quake blind willow, sleeping woman dance dance dance

There will be many days 
to come
, he decided, 
so this is enough for now
. He did a variety of stretches to loosen 
his stiff muscles, then ate a sweet 
anpan
bun, poured coffee from his thermos into the 
cap, and drank it. He tried the faucet in the sink, and now the water was running. He 
washed his face with soap, brushed his teeth, and took a good, long pee. He leaned 
back against the wall and smoked a cigarette. He longed for a sip of whiskey, but he 
had decided that as long as he was here, he wouldn’t touch a drop of alcohol. 
He stripped to his underwear and snuggled into the sleeping bag. The cold made 
him tremble slightly. At night the empty apartment was unexpectedly chilly. He 
thought he might need a small electric space heater. 
As he lay shivering, alone in the sleeping bag, he recalled the days when he had 
been surrounded by his family. He didn’t particularly miss those days. His life now 
was so completely different that these memories merely popped up to illustrate that 

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fact. Even when he was living with his family, Ushikawa had felt lonely. He never 
opened up to anyone and thought that his ordinary life would never last. Deep down 
he was convinced that one day it would all too easily fall apart—his busy days as a 
lawyer, his generous income, his nice house in Chuorinkan, his not-bad-looking wife, 
his cute daughters, both attending private elementary school, his pedigreed dog. So 
when his life steadily fell apart bit by bit and he was left all alone, he was actually 
relieved. 
Thank God
, he thought. 
Nothing to worry about now. I’m back right where I 
started
. 
Is this what it means to go back to square one?
He curled up like a maggot in the sleeping bag and stared at the dark ceiling. He 
had sat in the same position for too long and his joints ached. Shivering in the cold, 
making do with a cold bun for dinner, standing watch over the entrance of a cheap 
apartment that was ready to be torn down, watching the unattractive people coming in 
and out, peeing into a wash bucket. 
Is this what it means to go back to square one?
he 
asked again. He remembered something he had forgotten to do. He crawled out of the 
sleeping bag, poured the urine in the bucket into the toilet, pushed the wobbly handle, 
and flushed it down. The sleeping bag had just started to warm up, and he had 
hesitated to get out. 
Just leave it
, he had thought—but if he happened to slip in the 
dark he would regret it. Afterward he crawled back into the sleeping bag and shivered 
in the cold again. 
Is this what it means to go back to square one?
Most likely. He had nothing left to lose, other than his life. It was all very clear-
cut. In the darkness, a razor-thin smile came to Ushikawa’s lips. 

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