336
“Yes, she will no longer be
able
to visit.”
Tengo mustered up the courage to ask, “Has something happened to her?”
Silence. Tengo’s question hung in space, unanswered. Then the man said, “So
what I’m telling you, Mr. Kawana, is that you will probably never see my wife again.
I just wanted to let you know that.”
The man knew that Tengo had been sleeping with his wife. Once a week. For a
year. Tengo could tell that he knew. But the man’s voice was strangely lacking in
either anger or resentment. It contained something else—not so much a personal
emotion as an objective scene: an abandoned, overgrown garden, or a dry riverbed
after a major flood—a scene like that.
“I’m not sure what you are trying to—”
“Then let’s just leave it at that,” the man said, before Tengo could finish. A trace
of fatigue was discernible in his voice. “One thing should be perfectly clear. My wife
is irretrievably lost. She can no longer visit your home in any form. That is what I am
saying.”
“Irretrievably lost,” Tengo repeated.
“I did not want to make this call, Mr. Kawana. But I couldn’t sleep at night if I just
let it go and said nothing. Do you think I like having this conversation?”
No sounds of any kind came from the other end when the man stopped talking. He
seemed to be phoning from an incredibly quiet place. Either that or the emotion inside
him was acting like a vacuum, absorbing all sound waves in the vicinity.
Tengo felt he ought to ask the man a question or two. Otherwise, it seemed, this
whole thing would end as a collection of inscrutable hints. He mustn’t let the
conversation die! But this man had no intention of informing Tengo of any situational
details. What kind of question could he ask when the other person had no intention of
revealing the actual state of affairs? What kind of words should he give voice to when
facing a vacuum? Tengo was still struggling to discover any words that might work
when, without warning, the connection was cut. The man had set down the receiver
without saying anything and left Tengo’s presence. Probably forever.
Tengo kept the dead receiver pressed to his ear for a time. If anyone else was
listening in to the call, he might be able to grasp that person’s presence. He held his
breath and listened, but there were no telltale sounds. All he could hear was the
beating of his own heart. The more he listened, the more he felt like a thief who has
crept into a stranger’s house at night, hidden in the shadows, holding his breath, and
waiting for the family to fall asleep.
He boiled some water in a kettle and made green tea to calm his nerves. Cradling
the handleless cup in his hands, he sat at the kitchen table and mentally reviewed the
telephone call.
“My wife is irretrievably lost. She can no longer visit your home in any form. That
is what I am saying.”
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