50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays
98
While struggling with this chain, however, I came to appreciate what
my heritage offered. As a martial arts instructor, I supported students in
building discipline and character. As a bilingual tutor, I helped immi-
grant children adapt to life in America. Soon,
I realized that my heritage
was an instrument for harmonizing personal development with service
to others.
When I was selected to serve in the HOBY World Leadership
Congress, my family’s financial circumstances did not cover the $1,350
required fee. By infusing my American entrepreneurial energy with
Asian medicine, I covered the cost by selling herbal products at my
martial arts studio. Though the novelty of my venture brought me to the
verge of bankruptcy, I persisted. By researching products, competitors
and
clientele, I streamlined my inventory to best serve my customers.
Eventually, I created a business aimed at offering others a healthy
lifestyle. Sweaty students gulped green tea and chocolate-flavored
snacks, dropping dollars for the cause that lay within my cardboard
cashbox. Supported by outside donations, I became greater L.A.’s am-
bassador in Washington D.C. Infused with new inspiration, I returned
with a project grant to spread the martial arts lifestyle of discipline,
confidence, and respect.
As my heritage anchored itself to the bedrock of my battles, I in-
tegrated Korean tradition with my American identity. Fusing service
with
civic duty, I entered the L.A. County Sheriff’s Explorer Academy.
Through the grueling training, I learned to work as part of a team.
Appointed as Drill Instructor a year later, I took command of training
the older recruits. Through a relationship of mutual respect, I prepared
my platoon to dutifully serve the community. Leading this racially
mixed group, I empathized beyond the duality of my own identity. I
soon discovered that my heritage must transcend my personal struggles
to truly embrace diversity.
Heritage is not a mere ethnic label—it is the honor and humanity
that I am inspired to uphold. Today, I am grateful to my parents for
endowing me with a spirit of dedication and determination. They be-
stowed a philosophy that speaks through my actions.
This inheritance
forms the base of my integrity as an individual, and defines my dedica-
tion to strengthening the society that I live in.
Chapter 10: Heritage and Identity
99
AnAlysis
What makes the writer’s essay interesting is that he writes about
the conflict between his ethnic heritage and his American life. We
immediately sense that it is not an easy amalgamation between his
Korean and American identities. It might have enhanced his introduc-
tion to have provided a specific example of how these two identities
clashed. However, his description of this conflict is very powerful and
visual, and as the reader, we can tell detect
the authenticity of his
internal struggle. He writes, “I felt that my heritage was a short anchor
against the relentlessly rising tide: I had to break free—or go under.”
The writer aptly shows the connection between his achievements
and his appreciation for his heritage. When he describes his efforts
to raise funds to attend the HOBY World Leadership Congress, he
demonstrates ingenuity as a creative entrepreneur. The admissions
officers must have admired his self-initiated fundraising efforts and
his development of a new market. His experience shows his innova-
tion, persistence and ability to adapt his product line to his customers’
needs.
In his example of the L.A. County Sheriff’s Explorer Academy,
he again addresses his heritage when leading an ethnically diverse
group of students. While you may write an
essay about a project that
you worked on as a team or an experience that you had as a team
member, it’s always helpful to highlight your individual contribution. In
the writer’s case, he reveals his full responsibility for selling the Asian
medicine and explains his role as a leader of his platoon. You may not
be the sole leader of the group, but writing about your personal input
makes a more powerful statement than presenting the contributions of
the group as a whole.
Throughout his essay, the writer makes connections that are not
obvious. At first glance, there doesn’t seem
to be much that ties to-
gether attending a student leadership conference or volunteering with
the sheriff’s department and ethnic identity. But the writer is able to
form links among these topics that result in a single cohesive essay.
His writing is engaging because, as readers, we can tell that he tru-
ly cares about his topic matter and he shares specific examples of
what he has accomplished. But perhaps most importantly, he takes
us inside his mind so that at least for a brief time we understand his
thoughts,
emotions, and reasoning. This is something that admissions
officers always desire—to learn something new about the applicant
and to understand his or her way of thinking.
50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays
Do'stlaringiz bilan baham: 
