50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays

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14
lEadErshi P
“Birthing a Business”
Jason Y. S hah
Harvard University
AT mY AGE, FEw pEopLE cAN 
genuinely claim that they have had 
a life-changing experience. After attending Leadership in the Business 
World (LBW) at the Wharton School last summer, I became one of 
those fortunate people to have experienced a life-changing academic 
program. Four weeks of meeting business executives, working with 
teammates through the night perfecting our professional business plan, 
experiencing the independence and responsibility that will come with 
college . . . none of this was advertised in the brochure for LBW, but all 
of this is what made it uniquely meaningful to me.
The business leadership program centered on one culminating ac-
tivity: the prestigious LBW Business Plan Competition. As we prepared 
for this, we heard from Wharton faculty members and many corporate 
heavyweights including Brian roberts, CEO of Comcast Corporation. 
Meeting educators, executives and entrepreneurs broadened my 
knowledge of business, created a strategic network of connections and 
proved profoundly inspiring; nothing motivates me more than see-

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50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays
ing hard work and sharp thinking reach fruition. I vividly remember 
when a managing director of a venture capital firm singled me out for 
a networking demonstration. Expecting me merely to pretend to hand 
him a fake business card, he was dumbfounded by impressed when he 
glanced back as he accepted an actual business card from my tutoring 
business. As my business card now rested in Mr. Kimmel’s rolodex 
next to elegant cards from established businesspeople, a lesson was 
ingrained in my mind about acting uniquely in order to distinguish 
myself in a field of equally qualified and eager peers.
Despite the inherently competitive nature of LBW, I established 
enduring friendships with students from far-reaching places, such as 
Shanghai and Accra. We shared stories over meals in Houston Hall 
about life at home and engaged in heated discussions about business 
ethics. regardless of the origin of our passports, we became a family 
while learning about each other’s cultures and future business aspira-
tions. The lessons of compassion and hard work from the business 
plan competition also heightened my experience. Once when a fellow 
marketing officer was struggling with determining channels of distribu-
tion for our product, I disregarded trying to seem individually superior, 
and we cooperatively tackled the problem. Putting the team before the 
individual was a concept that materialized itself during my experience. 
The bonds between all of the students and advisors spurred my entre-
preneurial spirit as I experienced how friendship supports business.
I knew this experience had changed me forever when I triumphant-
ly concluded our team’s business presentation, confidently promoting 
our product and connecting with a crowd of peers and venture capital-
ists. During the evening following the presentations, my fellow team-
mates and I beamed with boundless relief and pride when the vCs 
announced our team, EnTECH LLC, as the first place winners of the 
competition. Exploring and honing my business and entrepreneurial 
skills was intimidating initially, yet with creativity, hard work and an 
unparalleled group dynamic of cooperation, this experience cemented 
my passion for business and opened grand doors of opportunity.

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Chapter 14: Leadership
AnAlysis
This essay of Jason’s helps us appreciate the “entrepreneurial 
and philanthropic endeavors” that Jason refers to at the end of his 
Common Application personal essay “Hurricane Transformations,” 
(Chapter 15). This type of cross-referencing or linking can be an ex-
cellent strategy for presenting yourself as well rounded without try-
ing to cram too much information into a single essay. After reading 
“Hurricane Transformations,” college admissions officers are likely to 
be curious about what Jason’s projects as a community leader are; 
and this essay is the perfect answer to that question.
While the first sentence of this essay, “At my age, few people 
can genuinely claim that they have had a life-changing experience” 
may sound slightly patronizing and condescending, it does succeed 
in piquing our curiosity as readers and hints at Jason’s maturity and 
confidence. It is important to think about the tone that the overall es-
say communicates. Jason conveys a confident tone in his writing by 
telling us about the “uniquely meaningful” experience he had through 
the LBW program, one he clearly fashioned for himself. This contrasts 
to the more contemplative tone in “Hurricane Transformations.” Varying 
the tone between essays is a method to show different sides of your 
personality.
Jason gave a brief description of the highlights of LBW’s event-
packed four weeks (“meeting business executives, working with team-
mates through the night perfecting our professional business plan, 
experiencing the independence and responsibility that will come with 
college”) without reading like a brochure. Then he wisely chose to fo-
cus on the culminating activity. Indeed, Jason shares how he learned 
the lesson to act “uniquely in order to distinguish [him]self in a field of 
equally qualified and eager peers.” This sentence shows us that Jason 
is willing to go above and beyond what is expected and to leave his 
comfort zone in the process, yet also demonstrates consideration and 
respect for his peers. The anecdote about meeting Mr. Kimmel is also 
an artful way to let us know that Jason has started a tutoring business 
for which he even has a business card, a testament to his thoughtful-
ness and professionalism.
This mix of pride and humility is particularly fitting in the team-
work that Jason describes: “we became a family,” “we cooperatively 
tackled the problem.” Jason is probably interested in studying busi-
ness and entrepreneurship in college, and the story of EnTECH LLC’s 
creation through dedicated hard work demonstrates his ability to be 
both a leader and a team member, highly valued traits when working 
on a business team. What is striking about Jason’s essay is that it lets 
us in on the journey that created EnTECH; indeed, even if his team 

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50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays
hadn’t won first place in the competition, we would still be impressed. 
Jason’s story could have looked like “1
st
 place in LBW business com-
petition” and “works well on a team” in a resume; but the tone of the 
essay helped the award/trait come alive and stick vividly in the reader’s 
mind.
Jason Y. Shah is the founder of INeedAPencil.com, a free online SAT prepara-
tion program. The site has 60 lessons and two free practice tests.
“Beyond Dictionary Definitions of leadership”