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50 Successful Ivy
League Application Essays
It was one thing to debate language
in the conference document
about goals set to provide people in developing nations with access to
water. It was quite another to visit Soweto, only a few kilometers away
from the conference, and to meet poor Africans living in shanties with
limited access to water. This observation embedded in my mind the
seriousness of my work in a way that no statistic could describe. The
challenge on paper seemed quite different from the harshness of Soweto
and Alexandria and the long-suffering faces and pleading eyes of the
beggars there. I reminded myself that I needed to work around the
clock while I was in South Africa to help these impoverished people.
After arriving in Johannesburg this past August,
I traveled to the
International Youth Summit. I drafted the youth declaration which was
used for lobbying, and I helped to write a statement from the youth
delegates for government representatives to read and consider while
negotiating. While at the WSSD, aside from writing daily press releases
that became Associated Press and reuters articles, I drafted speeches
which were presented to the delegates, including over one hundred
heads of state. I experienced an adrenaline
rush when I fielded ques-
tions from reporters during a press conference. These challenging situ-
ations were new learning opportunities for me and provided me with
knowledge much different from what one learns in high school. I want
to learn more about the histories of international financial institutions
and the ways they interact with national governments.
As a result of my attending the World Summit, I have gained a
new perspective on global politics and its effects on people’s lives. The
thought that people from around the world can join together to solve a
global issue never fails to impress and inspire me.
My participation in the WSSD has taught me more about the con-
vergence of politics, international relations and the environment than
I have learned in any other activity or in the classroom.
Working with
others to reveal the crucial need for sustainable development is essen-
tial to our world’s successful future. All of my experiences have helped
me to understand how international meetings operate and to accept the
responsibility that comes with the privilege to attend and contribute to
the solution.
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Chapter 13: Issues
AnAlysis
Steve’s essay gives us insight into his experiences as a youth ad-
vocate in South Africa and youth representative for the WSSD. This
unique opportunity is obviously a great honor. Steve does a good job
presenting specific examples of his summer experiences and relating
the larger lessons he learned from them.
In his introduction, Steve might have helped contextualize the situ-
ation by explaining what it means to be a “youth delegate,” how long
the WSSD was going to last, why he needed
to write a press release,
and what kind of lobbying he was doing. While impressive, the first
paragraph in this essay is almost overwhelming because it contains
so much information with limited explanation. Additionally, the refer-
ence to the SustainUS conference is confusing. It is unclear whether
the next two sentences about fundraising for the trip and witnessing
“the human spirit in its purest sense” refer to the SustainUS confer-
ence or the South Africa conference. Avoid the temptation to inundate
readers with information and make sure that what you do write is clear
and concise. Think of your college application as a package where
you can include information about yourself through many different av-
enues—the essays are just one channel for
introducing yourself to the
admissions officers.
The second paragraph of the essay is strong because it focuses
specifically on Steve’s experiences in Soweto. The contrast between
the conference and the shantytowns is striking. Steve might have elab-
orated more on his experiences of meeting “poor Africans living in
shanties with limited access to water” to further demonstrate why “this
observation embedded in [his] mind the seriousness of [his] work in a
way that no statistic could describe.” Steve demonstrates his commit-
ment to helping others in his assertion, “I needed to work around the
clock while I was in South Africa to help these impoverished people.”
His essay would be even stronger if he could more explicitly relate
this lesson to what he learned from the International Youth Summit.
Clarifying the distinctions between the Youth Caucus at the WSSD, the
International Youth Summit, and the World
Summit would help read-
ers be on the same page as Steve. The ease with which Steve uses
these terms clearly demonstrates his familiarity with government and
politics. However, it is important to remember that college admissions
essays are typically written for the general reader, rather than a spe-
cialist reader. Exceptions to this include essays that ask about specific
career paths.
The conclusion of the essay cleanly ties together Steve’s diverse
experiences and looks towards the future, where one suspects that
Steve will consider working towards sustainable development, both in
126
50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays
and out of the classroom. Had Steve applied to a school with a strong
international development or political science program, he might have
also referenced these specific university assets to tailor his essay for
that specific university.
“A young Voice for seniors”
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