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experiences as a performer, I am a more fulfilled person and I feel confident and
enthusiastic about future endeavors. I will continue to soar, free.
ANALYSIS
In her essay, the author of “To Soar, Free” demonstrates an understanding that if an
essay about a “significant experience or achievement” is to be successful, it must
distinguish itself from a pack of surely similar essay topics. Although the author’s
chosen topic is not all that different than writing about playing sports or performing
other types of art, this essay stands out. The author gracefully highlights the
personal importance of performing and teaching ballet, using her progression in the
art to reflect her personal and physical growth. Beginning with a childhood memory
about her first ballet performance, the author begins to paint a picture for the reader
of just how dance has influenced her life. From there, the reader gets a sense of the
increasing significance of this activity, to the point where he or she learns that this
love for ballet has inspired the author to instruct others in her art form. In her final
paragraph, the essayist closes with general conclusions about the lessons she
learned through dance.
By beginning her passage with an anecdote about her first major ballet performance,
the author distances her piece from a more straightforward
“what-dancing-means-to-me” essay. Instead of spelling out the reasoning behind
her love of ballet, the author encourages the reader to continue reading. Not until
the end of the fourth sentence does he or she know what exactly has been causing
the chills and excitement that the author illustrates so well in the opening sentences.
With a setting firmly established, the author is then free to proceed with her
narrative. The reader observes the author’s love of dance grew more intense as she
got older and became more serious about this activity. Moreover, in the third
paragraph, the author introduces an interesting twist to the essay, as she chronicles
her experiences on the other side of dance, as a ballet teacher at a summer camp.
This complication works well at illuminating the way in which the author learns to
see that ballet can offer more fulfillment than just that from the thrill of
performance.
Although this essay is effective at highlighting the many ways in which ballet has
affected the author’s life, it lacks flow and does not efficiently link its varied points
and ideas. The connection between the second and third paragraphs is especially
abrupt. This spot is an ideal juncture to suggest the many ways in which dance –
aside from its direct performance and practice – has influenced her life. Especially in
essays about significant personal experiences or achievements, it is extremely
important to make effective use of transitional phrases and words to connect the
individual points with the overall theme. Be that as it may, after compiling a solid
essay with unique perspectives and dimensions, the author subtracts from her piece
by offering clichéd conclusions in the final paragraph that are easy to incorporate
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