50 Harvard Essays

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absorbed in reality that ho loses the ability to dream. When a healthy amount of 
reality and fantasy are synthesized, the synergy is such that something beautiful 
will undoubtedly result. 
ANALYSIS 
This applicant addresses the proverbial question of “Who Am I?” In doing so, he 
expresses, both implicitly and explicitly, his hobbies, extracurricular activities, and 
outlook on life. The writer not only reveals his participation in wrestling, work at a 
nursing home, and knowledge of Quantum Mchanics, but he also exposes the reader 
to many aspects of his personality and inner thoughts on life. His questioning of the 
meaning of life and evaluation of his own identity reveal an inquisitive side to his 
personality. 
Overall, this essay is well written and easy to read. The introduction is strong in that 
the applicant levels with admission officer by admitting he does not consider himself 
to be a spectacular individual, giving the impression that what follows is written 
honestly. Another storng point of the essay is that it reveals many of the activities in 
which the writer is involved. This serves to give the admissions officer a more 
personalized picture of the applicant. The biblical and Walt Whitman quotations are 
very well used and demonstrate the strong intellect of the writer. 
While the essay does provide some insight into the philosophical thoughts of the 
applicant, in many ways it is too theoretical. The writer could improve the essay by 
specifically listing the dreams or goals he cherishes or perhaps by writing in more 
detail about one of the many experiences he mentions in the statement. The flow of 
the essay is also hindered in a number of ways. First, the word choice seems slightly 
unnatural – almost as if the applicant relied on a thesaurus when writing the essay; 
as a result, the tone seems to be a bit contrived. Second, while the overall theme of 
self-identification is maintained throughout the essay, the individual paragraphs 
jump from one topic to the next in a disjointed fashion. For example, it is interesting 
to know that the applicant worked at a nursing home, but mentioning such does not 
seem to fit with the overall progression of the essay. It is important that the personal 
statement convey to the admissions officer a sense of who you are and what you are 
like in person, but it is not necessary to cram every extracurricular activity or 
accomplishment into the essay; there are other sections of the application for listing 
such things. 

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