101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think

of negative 
THINKING
If you want to be emotionally free, there is only one thing you need to
understand: Whatever problem you think you have right now is not
the actual problem. The problem is that you do not know how to think
about your problem correctly.
You’re sick of platitudes. But this isn’t really something you can
afford to ignore. This isn’t just advice that may perhaps be applicable
to some people, sometimes, in certain situations. It is not just a kind
notion that can soothe you on a hard day. It’s not just something you
can lean on when you’ve exhausted all other options.
The point of experiencing anything is learning how to think about it
differently. When you do not do the work of learning to think
differently, you become stuck.
The more we experience, the more capable we are of seeing the
world with varied lenses, thinking with more dimension, considering
possibilities that were previously inconceivable. Real education is not
learning what to think about, but how to think in general.
Learning how to better ignore negative thoughts is not learning how
to think; it’s learning how to disassociate. Our negative thoughts
inform us as much as positive ones do. Rather than becoming afraid,
we can learn to see them as directives, or at the very least, if we can
be discerning about what we ascribe meaning to, we can decide
what matters to us, and to what degree.
Therein is the power of negative thinking.
As the Stoics practiced negative visualization (imagining the worst
possible outcomes and then preparing for them), learning how to
think is the simple art of recognizing that you choose how you apply
meaning and emotion to your life.
And if you don’t consciously decide what matters and what doesn’t,
you’ll spend the rest of your life in feeling patterns, responding to
what you were conditioned by when you were young.

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The solution is not a hyper-focus on positivity (as mainstream pop
psych would have you believe), but learning how to turn the shadow
aspects of your mind into forces that ignite change and inspire
growth.
Emotional freedom and inner peace come from knowing what to do
when those negative thoughts and feelings arise, because they will.
As Jonah Lehrer explains, we regulate our emotions by thinking
about them. Our prefrontal cortexes allow us to think about our own
minds. Our brains think about themselves. Psychologists call it
metacognition.
We know when we are angry, because each feeling state must
come with a degree of self-awareness, so we can figure out why
we’re feeling what we’re feeling. Without that awareness, we
wouldn’t know we are afraid of the lion that’s charging at us in the
wild, so we wouldn’t run to escape it. If we didn’t run away, what
would be the point of the feeling in the first place?
But more importantly, if a feeling doesn’t make sense—if the
amygdala is responding to a “loss frame,” then it can be ignored.
“The prefrontal cortex can deliberately choose to ignore the
emotional brain”—that is, if it determines there is no merit in
ascribing meaning.
What this means is that whatever problem you think you have in
your life is not the problem, it’s the fact that you see it as a problem,
rather than a signal you refuse to respond to, or a product of over-
ascribing meaning, extrapolation, irrational thoughts that created
irrational emotions that continue to go unchecked, and so on.
It is the fact that you see the problem as a problem rather than a
fallacy in your understanding, your focus, your perception.
The problem is not the problem, it is how you think about the
problem.
If you want to function, you have to learn how to think about your
feelings. The difference between the kind of anxiety that paralyzes
you and the kind of fear that accompanies anything brave and
worthwhile is discernment, which takes practice. The difference
between the kind of people who turn their obstacles into
opportunities and the kind of people who are crushed beneath the
weight of their own uncertainty is knowledge and awareness.

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Being uncomfortable forces us to think of options that we wouldn’t
have had to imagine before.
It is why heartbreak is crucial to human growth. The obstacle that
becomes the way. Any idiot can enjoy the positive things in their
lives, but it is only a few that can take the negative and find
something even more profound.

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99
WHAT YOU 
need to do 
TO HEAL YOUR LIFE
FROM ANXIETY
01. The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, it’s connection. The
same is true for anxiety. Anxiety is being disconnected from
the present moment, other people, or yourself. Usually all
three. You must reconnect with your life.
02. You must give yourself permission to want what you really
want. There is no way around this. Whether it’s a romantic