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doesn’t use
WORDS;
this is how you
LISTEN TO IT
The voice you have to listen to will rarely make sense. It won’t use
words. It won’t use logic. It won’t fit within the neat trajectory of the
storyline that you imagined. It will be subtle, and it will speak to you
without you ever knowing that it is.
The feelings your inner voice gives you will be unjustifiable. You
won’t have reasons for them. You’ll know you love someone not
because they’re attractive and smart and interesting, but just
because you do. You’ll want to live somewhere or do something not
because it’s “cool” or everybody says you should, but just because
you do.
The unjustifiable things, the illogical things, the things that are
genuinely unexplainable, that’s where the magic is. The “right” stuff
always just is, it’s the illusions and fears and things we force that
have to be justified and made sense of in our minds.
If you are making a choice that you can only feel good about when
you back up with a list of “because,” you’re not really listening to
what you want.
This is probably the biggest secret (and most important fact) of all:
If your little, inner voice were telling you that you weren’t interested,
or you were on the “wrong path,” it wouldn’t say anything at all…
you’d just let it go.
Consider the people you aren’t romantically interested in. The
career paths you know don’t call you. Do you sit around and belabor
whether or not they’re right? Nope, you don’t. You just don’t
acknowledge them at all. (The opposite of love is indifference, eh?)
There’s no difference between the things that pain you and the
things that please you—they are both intended to teach you
something. You have brought them into your experience because
you want to learn from them.
Illusions have to be justified. Half-truths have to be made sense of.
The genuine things, the best things, the “most right” things, truly just
are. If it’s in your life, there’s something to be learned from it. The
process of unlearning the reasons to justify the illusions is how you
reacquaint yourself with the voice that doesn’t use words.
It’s ultimately why you choose to get lost in the first place.
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EXPERIENCES
we don’t have
ENGLISH WORDS
FOR YET
01. When sunlight shines through the trees, the interplay
between light and leaves.
02. When you’re with your friends and decide “who is who” in a
show or movie you all watch and then laugh hysterically
about how “them” that character is behaving. (2a.) The
running joke that develops around you characterizing the
members of your social circle based on some cultural stencil.
(Think:
Sex and the City.
)
03. The feeling of your skin on someone else’s.
04. The temporary, beautiful high of deciding you’re going to
change your life in some aesthetic, easy way. (4a.) The
conviction that this will change anything or everything else.
05. The inability to grasp the fact that we can’t grasp what we
don’t know yet.
06. Hearing something a dozen times and then finally
understanding what it means only when it becomes the
answer to a problem you have.
07. When physical, human age has no bearing on
connectedness, intelligence, ability.
08. The parenting style that consists of trying to punish,
embarrass, scold, and oppress children into being functional,
kind, successful members of society.
09. Wanting to have a spiritual-sexual experience with someone,
sex that is more than just a grinding race to orgasm.
10. The mental preparation that occurs before you step into a
social situation in which you have to play a “role” for the sake
of maintaining a relationship: i.e., rehearsing your
conversations with yourself by yourself.
11. The feeling of absolute peacefulness right before you fall
asleep.
12. Not just assuming we know what other people are thinking
and feeling, but acting on that “knowing,” judging them for
that knowing, and really in a lot of ways capping off their
potential with what we think we know of them.
13. The feeling of lightness in your whole body.
14. The love you know has an expiration date.
15. The love you know you’re eventually “meant” for.
16. People who are funny without being mean.
17. People who are deep without being negative.
18. The frustration you feel when somebody is mad or upset over
completely false things that they’ve made up in their mind, a
complete lack of understanding on a situation.
19. The random, weird, scary, embarrassing thoughts that cross
your mind and sometimes freak you out that you think you’re
alone in having because everybody else is scared and
embarrassed by them, too.
20. The art of trying to figure out someone’s intentions by piecing
together a bunch of random bits of “evidence.”
21. The kind of stuck feeling of knowing something isn’t quite
right, but you’re not yet aware of what the alternative would
be.
22. The comfort that comes with arriving at small, safe
conclusions now and again.
23. The real peace of dissolving those illusions.
24. The feeling of realizing that your “purpose” won’t usually feel
like a “purpose” as you have to do the work regardless and so
the whole act of “finding it” was just a mechanism of the ego
in the first place.
25. How we define periods of our lives and personal development
beyond years or grades or segments of schooling.
26. The space between raindrops.
27. A course of study that teaches you the art of the non-
traditionally-academic things that take up the majority of our
lives: love, relationships, doubt, faith, parenting, work,
friendship, self-image, etc.
28. Being in love with someone who you only used to know, and
at some level still feel as though you do.
29. The happy tired feeling you get after you eat a big meal.
30. The sensation of looking back on something far more fondly
than when it was actually happening; the idea that maybe this
kind of enjoyment is not to be fought or transcended, but just
appreciated for what it is.
31. The feeling of feeling a feeling.
32. A person or thing that also feels like “home” (a non-house
home).
33. The idea that is “all is as it should be.”
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