101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think

shouldn’t
SEEK 
COMFORT
01. Your brain can’t differentiate “good” from “bad”; it only knows
“comfortable” and “uncomfortable.” This is a pretty raw
example, but it’s the reason why criminals never think their
actions are “wrong,” they think they’re justifiable. It’s why we
do things we objectively know are bad for us and confuse
them for “feeling good.”
02. You don’t want what you want; you want what you’ve known.
We are literally incapable of predicting an outcome that is out
of the realm of what we’ve known previously. So rather than
trying to seek “better,” we seek “the best of what we’ve
known,” even if “the best” is really just the solution to a
problem we didn’t need to create again.
03. “Familiar discomfort” feels the same as “comfort.” Which is
why so many people are stuck in “ruts” or absolutely do not
want to change even though they know it’s what would be
best for them.
04. There’s no such thing as true security. We seek comfort
believing that it makes us safe, but we live in a world in which
there is no such thing as true security. Our bodies were made
to evolve, our physical items are temporary and can be lost
and broken, etc. To combat this, we seek comfort rather than
accepting the transitory nature of life.
05. The only way you grow is by stepping into the unknown. It’s
why so many people have “breakdown before breakthrough”
moments. Often, their lives are leading them to better
possibilities than they thought possible; they just didn’t know
it was “good” at the time.

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06. Most people don’t change until not changing is the less
comfortable option. But there’s usually a long period of time of
increasing discomfort before “not changing” is the worst-case
scenario. The universe whispers until it screams, and happy
people listen while the call is still quiet.
07. There are two mindsets people tend to have: explorer or
settler. Our society has a “settler” mindset, our end goals are
“finalizing” (home, marriage, career, etc.) in a world that was
made for evolution, in selves that do nothing but grow and
expand and change. People with “explorer” mindsets are able
to actually enjoy what they have and experience it fully
because they are inherently unattached.
08. There’s no such thing as real comfort; there’s only the idea of
what’s safe. This is a big one to swallow, but there’s really no
such thing as “comfort,” which is why comfortable things don’t
last, and why the best adjusted people are most “comfortable”
in “discomfort.” Comfortable is just an idea. You choose what
you want to base yours on.
09. Life isn’t about being “certain,” it’s about trying anyway.
Comfort is, essentially, certainty. You can either choose to be
certain about what you’ve known or certain that you’ll make
the best of whatever happens. (Guess who has a better
time?) Because nobody is ever really certain. The people who
have lives they love try anyway.

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35
THE 6 PILLARS 
OF SELF-ESTEEM: 
why it is not
HOW YOU FEEL, 
but what you think
YOU’RE CAPABLE OF
We tend to think of self-esteem as a static thing, a state in which
your mind naturally fuels you with positive, supportive thoughts,
never being too deeply influenced by any doubts or dislikes. This,
however, is where the fine line between self-esteem and self-
aggrandizement blurs.
In the words of Anna Deavere Smith, self-esteem is what really
gives us a feeling of well-being. It’s the very inherent sense that
everything’s going to be all right, because we are capable of making
it all right. “[Self-esteem is knowing] that we can determine our own
course and that we can travel that course. It’s not that we travel the
course alone, but we need the feeling of agency—that if everything
were to fall apart, we could find a way to put things back together
again.”
Self-esteem is not how much confidence you have in how well
people perceive you, but how much confidence you have in whether
or not you can manage your life.
What’s interesting about having real self-esteem is that it eliminates
the need to focus on how we’re superior to others. When we don’t
feel we’re actually in control of our lives (or aren’t happy with how
things are going so far) we often focus on “how much better things
are than someone else” to placate the feeling of failure.
Nathaniel Branden outlined what exactly it takes to build a healthy
sense of self
12
. He notes, particularly, that people either take the “feel
good” approach (I am beautiful, I am rich, I am successful) which is
merely a substitute for the real thing, or they build it in a genuine
way.

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He says that the two fundamental elements self-esteem boils down
to are self-efficacy, which is “a sense of basic confidence in the face
of life’s challenges,” and self-respect, “a sense of being worthy of
happiness.”
“[Self-esteem] is not an emotion which fluctuates from moment to
moment, but a continuing disposition to experience a sense of
efficacy and respect for oneself. Thus, it is something which is built
over a long period of time, not just wished into existence. It is reality-
based; undeserved praise, whether it comes from oneself or others,
will not provide it.”
Here are the six practices, or “pillars,” on which Branden argues
self-esteem can be built. They prove that it is not just a choice to feel
confident in yourself, but it many choices, made continuously, and
with as much effort as possible.
Living consciously.
To live consciously is to not be controlled by your subconscious
biases and desires. Your “shadow selves,” as they’re called, are out
in the light. You understand what’s going on around you, and you
can make informed choices based on that inherent understanding.
Self-acceptance.
You aren’t aggrandizing your looks or your intelligence or being
willfully ignorant of the natural balance of traits and characteristics
every person possesses. This is true self-acceptance. It is seeing
your whole self without judging or condemning parts of it.
Self-responsibility.
You hold yourself accountable for your own happiness. You
understand the phrase “it may not be your fault, but it is still your
problem.” You are in control of your life because you are not letting
other things do it for you.
Self-assertiveness.
You can stand up for yourself without being defensive.
Defensiveness is born of fear; assertiveness is born of confidence.
Living purposefully.
You live mindfully and intentionally. You recognize that your
“purpose” is just to be where you are, doing whatever you’re doing.

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In this, you infuse your days with a sense of purposefulness, as it is
something you choose, not wait to find or have created for you.
Personal integrity.
You hold yourself to a certain standard of morals and ethics and
accountability. You develop a code of conduct for yourself, rather
than just abiding by the one that you were conditioned to. You are
able to look at choices objectively, even when the circumstances are
difficult. You realize the importance of the phrase “the road to hell
was paved with good intentions…”
12 Branden, Nathaniel.