|
from
DEFENSIVENESS
to
REBUTTAL,
THE 7 MAIN WAYS
PEOPLE FIGHT
At its most basic level, argumentativeness is a reflex, not a choice.
When we feel threatened in some way, we either respond by fleeing,
freezing, or fighting. Eventually, most people begin to realize that
unconsciously responding to random, external stimuli is exhausting
at best and destructive at worst. We begin to censor our responses
to things—these are the seeds of self-awareness.
However, this does not mean that arguing doesn’t serve an
important purpose. While it is often a product of grappling with our
own threatened sense of identity, it is also how we can communicate
feeling strongly about something important. When done intelligently,
someone who knows how to argue well can be a master of their
social surroundings—in business, love, and so on. The first step to
doing so, however, is not sounding as though you’re being
argumentative.
Enter the hierarchy. To put it bluntly, there are a lot of idiotic ways
that people try to argue with one another, and most of them do not
work. They only leave both parties more frustrated, ultimately
because they each avoid addressing the real issue in its entirety.
Name-calling.
You deflect from the issue at hand by proclaiming that someone is an
“ass” or an “idiot” without any argument to back it up.
Ad hominem.
You attack the character or the authority of the person without
addressing the actual substance of the argument. (If someone who
smokes says: “Smoking is bad,” you respond: “Who are you to
say?!” rather than seeing it as an objective truth.)
Responding to tone.
You criticize the tone or the diction of the person making the
argument as a means of deflecting from actually addressing the
argument itself.
Contradiction.
You state the opposing case with little or no evidence to back it up.
You’re arguing for the sake of it, you just inherently do not want to
validate or agree with the person for some reason.
Counterargument.
You contradict the statement, then back it up with reasoning and/or
supportive evidence.
Refutation.
You find the mistake in the argument and explain why it is a mistake
using direct quotations or inferences from the person’s original
statement.
Refuting the central point.
You explicitly refute the central point of the argument, providing
sound logic and reason (if not research, or personal experience) to
back up your claim.
32
SIGNS YOUR
MENTAL BREAKDOWN
is actually
AN EMOTIONAL
BREAKTHROUGH
01. You’re questioning everything.
You’re done believing that things are as they appear, or that
what you were raised to believe about something is the right
way to think overall. You’re exploring new ideas of philosophy
and spirituality and politics and thought, and you’re coming to
find that you didn’t know what you didn’t know.
02. You’re realizing that there’s a difference between happy
thoughts and happy feelings.
You’ve been trying to fill yourself up with “happy thoughts”
forever, only to find that you get attached to a certain
outcome (that doesn’t become reality) and you’re even
unhappier in the first place. You’re realizing that there’s a
difference between “a way of thinking that lets you enjoy the
moment” and “a way of thinking that makes you happy about
potentials, possibilities, and things that are everything but
what’s actually happening.”
03. You’re starting to see patterns.
You’re realizing that many of the things that keep resurfacing
in your life—relationships, jobs, ideas, feelings—are products
of what you believe they are or should be. They are patterns,
and maybe if you could figure out how to change them, the
way they emerge would change, too.
04. You feel irrationally angry.
Anger is a good emotion; that is, when you finally figure out
that you’re not mad at the world—you’re mad at yourself. This
is usually what happens right before change is going to be
made. Anger’s younger siblings—dissatisfaction, resentment,
irritation, self-pity, etc.—are unpleasant but not disturbing
enough to make you act. Anger makes you act. It burns
through you and delivers you somewhere new.
05. You’re starting to question: “Is this all there is?”
You’re starting to wonder whether or not you really were
meant to just sleep, eat, work then die. You’re starting to
wonder if this is all that exists, or if it’s a small aperture for a
far greater reality.
06. You had the million-dollar idea, found The Relationship, got
the big break, and all of a sudden, you’re paralyzed.
We call this some good ol’ resistance. When we perceive
happiness, we perceive fear to an equal degree. It’s not
actually that you’re resisting your new life, it’s that you're very
clearly identifying what you want (and experiencing a natural
and balanced amount of fear about it).
07. It seems like your emotional state is unwarranted.
You shouldn’t feel anxious and depressed, but you do.
There’s no reason for your irrational fears, but they’re there.
You can’t quite make sense of what you’re feeling, and you
realize that’s because you’re in the process of developing that
skill.
08. You’re uncertain about who you really are.
You have come to terms with the fact that you’ve defined
yourself based on either how people see you, or how you
think you should be, and there’s a bit of a discrepancy
between what you think you want and what you actually want.
09. You’re experiencing feelings and fears you had when you
were a kid.
It’s all coming back up to the surface, and what you’re
realizing is that it was never really gone in the first place. The
thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and feelings you kept tucked away
were silently guiding your life. You just didn’t know.
10. You’re terrified of loss right now.
Namely, you’re terrified of losing one specific thing that you
think in some way will “save” you (even just emotionally). This
is what happens when you begin to realize that nothing can
do that for you. You’re not afraid of loss; you’re afraid of being
forced to accept that reality before you think you’re ready.
11. You’re giving up on the things you need to give up on.
You’re not giving up on your dreams. You’re not giving up on
your relationship. You are simply giving up on the idea that
these things will be something more than what they are. You
are giving up on what’s not right for you. You’re learning that
“giving up” is such a negative term for something that’s really
healthy when necessary.
12. You’ve decided you’re not going to be the victim of your own
mind anymore.
People don’t have breakdowns unless they are on the precipices of
“breakthroughs.” Breakdowns—or any kind of intense mental-
emotional turmoil—are always a sign that things are in the process
of changing. Otherwise, they’d just be “normal.” You’re done
accepting your old “normal,” and you’re onto bigger, better, brighter,
happier things.
33
HOW TO
STOP WORRYING
Do'stlaringiz bilan baham: | 
