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18 ‘UNTIDY PEOPLE ARE NOT NICE TO KNOW’
You don’t have to be a genius to spot them. The men of the species are often uncombed; their ties
never knotted squarely beneath their collars. The women of the species always manage to smear
lipstick on their faces as well as their lips; in one hand they carry handbags which are stuffed full of
accumulated rubbish; with the other, they drag a horde of neglected children behind them. With a
sort of happy unconcern, both the male and female species litter railway stations, streets, parks, etc.,
with sweet wrappings, banana-skins, egg-shells and cast-off shoes. Who are they? That great untidy
band of people that make up about three-quarters of the human race. An unending trail of rubbish
pursues them wherever they go.
It is most unwise to call on them at their homes - particularly if they aren’t expecting you. You
are liable to find socks behind the refrigerator, marbles in the jam and egg-encrusted crockery.
Newspapers litter the floor; ashtrays overflow; withered flowers go on withering in stale water.
Writing-desks have become dumping grounds for piles of assorted, indescribable junk. And as for the
bedrooms, well, it’s best not to say. Avoid looking in their cars, too, because you are likely to find
last year’s lolly sticks, chewing-gum clinging to the carpets and a note saying ‘Running In’ on the
rear window of a ten-year-old vehicle.
Yes, but what are they really like? Definitely not nice to know. They are invariably dirty,
scruffy, forgetful, impatient, slovenly, slothful, unpunctual, inconsiderate, rude, irritable and (if
they’re driving a car) positively dangerous. Untidiness and these delightful qualities always seem to
go together, or shall we say that untidiness breeds these qualities. It’s hardly surprising. If you are
getting dressed and can only find one sock, you can only end up being irritable and scruffy. If after a
visit to a lovely beauty spot you think that other people will enjoy the sight of your orange peel, you
can only be inconsiderate and slovenly. If you can’t find an important letter because you stuck it
between the pages of a book and then returned the book to the library, you can only be forgetful. If
you live in perpetual, self-imposed squalor, you must be slothful - otherwise you’d do something
about it.
What a delightful minority tidy people are by comparison! They seem to have a monopoly of
the best human qualities. They are clean, neat, patient, hard-working, punctual, considerate and
polite. All these gifts are reflected in their homes, their gardens, their work, their personal
appearance. They are radiant, welcoming people whom you long to meet, whose esteem you really
value. The crux of the matter is that tidy people are kind and generous, while untidy people are mean
and selfish. The best proof of this is that tidy people, acting on the highest, selfless motives,
invariably marry untidy ones. What happens after that is another story!
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